useless fluttery hope inside me.
I shrug. “Just ‘cause.”
No wonder I never made the debate team.
“Besides,” I continue, “if we do this, you can cross another item off your list.”
Gray’s head whips toward me so fast that I almost expect it to detach from his neck and roll across the floor like a bowling ball.
“What list?”
My eyes widen as I realize what I’d just let slip.
Sleep deprivation, you fucking bitch.
“Just… the general list of life.”
Gray narrows his eyes. Yeah, there was no hope of him ever going with that nonsense.
“Kai,” he says. He has the tone of a strict parent down pat.
“Gray,” I retort, but if guilty had a voice, it’d be me right now. We stare at each other for a few seconds before I fold like a cheap suit.
“I may know about the happy list.”
Gray blanches. “How?”
“I may have borrowed your jacket and found it in one of the pockets?” I say, my voice going higher at the end there.
“Oh shit,” he says weakly, and I can already tell he’s trying to remember everything he wrote down to try and determine exactly how embarrassed he should be.
“When?” he asks.
“Umm… a couple of weeks ago when I had that small-business loan meeting.”
Gray’s brain is working overtime. It’s all over his face.
He swallows hard. “The camping trip?” he finally says. I should have figured he’d connect the dots.
“Okay,” I say. “The idea may have popped into my head because of the list, but it’s not like spending time with you is exactly a chore for me.”
Gray gets up from his seat and starts pacing back and forth in front of the couch.
“Holy shit.” He rubs his palm over his face. “This is fucking embarrassing.”
I’m up like a bolt of lightning and step in front of him.
“It’s the furthest thing from embarrassing. Hey.” I grab onto his shoulder and stop him. “We don’t get embarrassed with each other. Dude, you’ve seen me at my worst, and at my most pathetic. May I remind you of the time I found out Matt Bomer was taken, and I made a complete ass of myself by getting completely wasted and asking everybody I saw that night if they had Matt Bomer’s phone number? I promise you nothing you want or wish is going to make me think you’re crazy.”
He regards me for a few moments.
“I get turned on by imagining I’m having sex with an alien,” he says with a completely straight face.
I let out a deep breath. “Oh my God! You too? I thought I was alone in this. Do you also decorate your bedroom to look like Area 51? Because I can get you the number of the guy who sells the best alien paraphernalia. I have just two words for you: tentacle dildos.”
“Oookay,” Gray says, and I have to hand it to him, he almost manages to look supportive. My lips twitch, and Gray smacks me over the back of my head as he shakes his head and chuckles.
“Asshole,” he says, but there’s affection in his tone.
“You started it.”
His face turns serious again. “Is there any chance we can forget about that damn list? I have.”
I measure him with my gaze. “We could, but I don’t think we should. Come on, Gray. You want those things. You want to have more fun, and you should get that, so you should do it. Do the list.”
Of course, then I remember that not the entire thing was PG-13, but whatever, I’m already committed to the happy list anyway, so the whole challenge, really, is to make sure Gray follows through. It’s not like I have to do those things myself. I’ll be the cheerleader and the power that nudges him on if he gets stuck in his mind. We all need that from time to time—a person to cheer us on when going gets tough, and I can definitely be that person for Gray.
“I don’t even remember what was on the list,” he says.
“Lucky for you I have the original. Plus, it’s not like you have to follow that thing verbatim. We’ll just take some time and have some fun. It’ll be great,” I say with a nod.
“Sure,” he mutters. “Great.”
He makes a face, and then finally, he nods once. Very slowly. I’m gonna interpret it as raging enthusiasm.
14
Gray
“So?”
Con steps into my office and closes the door behind him.
“Hello, Gray. Can I come in, Gray? I hope I’m not interrupting, Gray. How has your day been, Gray?” I mutter. I throw a glance at