Dad.” Crap. Wrong thing to say.
I watch as my father’s face turns from a light shade of red to a dark one. He almost looks purple. If I wasn’t preparing myself for the shit that is about to spew from his mouth, I might laugh at how ridiculous he appears.
“It’s just football?” he yells, repeating my words. “You made a commitment to this team, Jax! You made a commitment to this school! You will not half-ass your way through college and embarrass your mother and me! You had better get your shit together and fast! Do you want the coach to replace you? Do you know how bad that would look?”
He is so fucking dramatic. I fucking hate him. Let Coach replace me. My life would be easier.
I take a deep breath and remain calm. Over the years, I’ve learned that any reaction other than a sane, calm one does nothing to defuse the situation. I just want to pacify the beast, so he will leave.
“Dad, I’m not trying to embarrass anyone. I don’t know what else you want from me. Look”—I point down to the textbooks in front of me—“I’m studying. Later, I’m going to go over the tapes from the game and analyze every aspect, so we won’t make the same mistakes again. If I have time, I’ll throw in a workout. I’ll get up tomorrow, and my day will consist of workouts, practices, classes, and studying. That’s all. I’m busting my ass, and I will continue to do so. I know I made a commitment to you, the school, and the team. For the next two years, all my effort will go to honoring my commitments. I’m sorry you felt the need to come here and remind me of my failures. I assure you, it isn’t necessary.”
Just then, my phone buzzes, and before I can grab it, my dad lunges forward and snatches it from the bed.
“Lily,” he says her name like a curse. “I’m going to tell you this one last time.”
Oh, no. Here it comes again—the lecture I’ve heard so many times before.
“You do not have time to dedicate to a relationship right now. You have to focus on your commitments. Relationships can wait, son. I got married way too young. I fell in love with your mother, and that was it. I let those feelings cloud my judgment. I missed out on so many opportunities because of it. I don’t want the same for you. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.” He leaves out the part where he got my mom pregnant with Landon, and he was pressured by his family to get married before he was ready.
Yes, Dad, I’m aware your entire family is a mistake. Different day, same story.
I wonder if I should tell him that he is more draining on my success than any relationship could be.
He continues, “Have you ever thought about how you’re not being fair to Lily?”
That gets my attention, and I squint in his direction.
“You love her so much, yet you’re content to leave her on the bottom of your priority list. You’re happy to have her wait around for you while you are too busy to be a good partner to her.” He shrugs and lets out an audible exhale. “You claim to love her so much, but I’d think that you would want what is best for her.”
“Dad,” I warn.
He can talk shit about me all he wants, but I’m not going to let him bring Lily into this.
“Listen, if what you and Lily share is real, then when everything is said and done, she will still be the girl for you. If your feelings toward one another are legitimate, they’ll be there later—after you’ve fulfilled your commitments.”
There is nothing I hate more than my father’s relationship advice.
“Dad, I really do have a lot to do today, so if you’re done…” I gesture toward the door.
He presses his lips together in a firm line. I can see the war in his eyes as he decides whether to continue to argue or let it go. When he sighs, I know he’s chosen the latter, and I’m relieved.
“Fine. I will let you get back to it. Think about everything I said.” With that, he turns and walks out of my room.
I hear the apartment door shut, and Ben comes into our room.
“Holy fuck, Jax. What the hell?” he asks.
“I know, dude. I’m so fucking sick of his shit.”
My dad has always been