I do. I should, right? But I can’t. She’s just so nice.”
Charlie lets out a dry chuckle. “I don’t buy it.”
“I know. I was skeptical at first. We’ve talked about that, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t find anything to dislike about her.”
“How about because she’s marrying Jax?” Charlie exclaims bluntly.
“Is that really a reason to hate her? For falling in love with Jax? I mean, who wouldn’t fall for him? I can’t fault her for that.”
“You can be angry that she’s marrying him when she knows that he’s meant for you!” Charlie cries, getting worked up.
I love this girl and the way she cares for me.
I exhale. “I don’t know what she knows. But I can say that she has been very kind to me in our conversations. She is so happy that I’m going to be a part of the wedding. From the way she talks, she seems thrilled that Jax and I have remained friends.” I pause, thinking back to a cryptic comment she made in an email the other day. “You know, she said something in her email a few days ago about how she hopes Jax and I will always be close and that someday he will need me. What do you think that means?”
“That she’s fucking crazy. What fiancée is happy that her soon-to-be husband has remained friends with his hot lifelong friend and ex-lover? No sane one,” she quips.
“I don’t know, Char. I get a really good vibe from her. I’ve tried to hate her, but I can’t. She’s just one of those people who is impossibly sweet. It’s genuine, too. I can read people pretty well.”
“Trenton? Tabitha?” she says by way of explanation.
I can’t help but laugh. “Fine. Most of the time, I can read people.”
“Why is she letting you photograph her wedding? That part still doesn’t make sense.”
“Because I asked her. You know, she’s given me lots of outs. She isn’t forcing me to do it.”
“Something’s off.” Charlie shakes her head in disapproval.
“I agree with you there. Something is going on. Jax isn’t himself. I can tell that he’s keeping something from me. I just can’t figure out what.”
“Do you think she’s pregnant? I bet she’s pregnant!”
I frown. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I asked him, remember? I think he was telling me the truth.”
I think back to a conversation I had with Jax a few weeks ago.
Shortly after I came to New York, he called me to see how I was doing. He seemed out of sorts. We talked on the phone for hours about everything and anything. He kept telling me how sorry he was and how he would always love me, but he had to focus on Stella. He apologized for being distant and said that he had to shut me out in order to remain true to his commitment to Stella. He told me that he had to do what was right, and he was sorry for breaking our hearts, but there wasn’t another way. We both cried, and I kept asking why. I questioned if Stella was pregnant, and he said that she wasn’t. He was telling the truth. He continued to proclaim that he had to do this, but he wouldn’t expand with any specific reasons.
After that conversation, after I knew that he wasn’t going to change his mind, I called and asked if I could shoot the wedding. For some reason, it just felt important for me to do.
I love Jax. He is my forever love. My heart aches over the fact that he is marrying someone else. Yet for the majority of my life, the love I showed him was through our friendship. I’m trying to get back to that place again. Because the love I carry for him will never go away, and it’s better to have him in some capacity, even a platonic one, than not at all.
“Well, it’s time for a subject change,” she sighs. “We should go out for lunch. Maybe grab a few drinks while we’re at it.”
“Are you kidding? Ethan would kill us. We have to finish this. Let’s order in but not salads like normal.” I smile, raising my eyebrow. “Let’s order something over-the-top fatty and delicious.”
“Yes!” she agrees.
Jax
I’m sprawled out in our plush leather recliner, drinking a beer and watching the Michigan football game on television. This is the fourth game of the season, but it still feels so odd to watch the action from the comfort of my living