just a second before she fixes it. If I would've blinked, I would've missed it, but I saw her tick. She remembers what she did in this office after our session last week. She remembers how I turned her on just seven days ago.
“Oh,” she mumbles before clearing her throat and speaking with more confidence. “Last week was a difficult session, I admit. However, it had a point to it and I hope you found it somewhat beneficial once you were able to calm yourself. Hopefully I didn't upset you. I know that was a bit intense.”
She’s good at keeping it professional and has obviously thought about what she would say if I brought up last week. Well played, Dr. Monroe.
“Actually, I did think it was beneficial,” I shoot back, keeping in step with her. “I thought it was extremely beneficial and gave me a lot of insight on the next steps I need to take in my life.”
Her eyes bulge a bit. “Oh, well that’s great. I’m glad you were able to see the intended effect of the therapy. So, how are you feeling about your connection to Ava these days?”
“I’m not thinking about Ava.”
“Really? Not at all?”
“No. My mind has been very much focused on the future,” I say as I plant both feet firmly on the floor and lean forward. “This past week was the most focused week I've had in awhile, and I really think last week’s therapy session had a lot to do with it.”
“Really?” Dr. Monroe asks. I can sense her mask is starting to slip a bit as she frowns while looking at me.
“For sure. In fact, if you're up for it, I think it’d benefit me a lot to go through that exercise again. There was just something therapeutic about talking it all out, and then forcing myself to suppress it. I don't know why, but it worked. So, can we do it again, Dr. Monroe? I think if we can take it even further, it could be even more beneficial.”
Dr. Monroe doesn't move as her eyes bounce around the room. She has to figure out whether I’m full of shit, or if this is real before she asks herself if she’s able to control herself. I can tell she's struggling and wants to maintain her professionalism and ethics. I’ve been down this road before, but the problem is once you start down the road at all, there's nowhere to stop or turn around. You have no choice but to keep driving until you reach the destination you've been trying to avoid all along, and once you arrive, you never want to leave.
“Umm, I was hoping to move on to something else in your therapy today,” Dr. Monroe says, fighting herself. “I think it’s important we continue moving forward instead of staying stuck in the same place.”
“I’m not stuck. I haven’t been thinking this clearly in a long time, Dr. Monroe, and I truly believe it’s because of the exercise from last week.” Dr. Monroe is ready to fire an excuse back at me, so I keep talking before she can. “There was something about telling you how I’d approach you that helped me tremendously. The thought of getting up from this chair while we looked at each other, both of us knowing full well what’s about to come. There's nothing like that look, and not everyone is able to do it. Sometimes, you can look a person in the eyes and know if he ever got his hands on you, he’d take you to a place you never knew existed.”
Dr. Monroe locks eyes with me, and her breathing becomes shallow, but she snaps herself out of it and goes back into therapist mode.
“He?” she asks. “You said, ‘if he ever got his hands on you.’ Who are you referring to?”
“I guess I’m referring to myself when I say he. Or maybe I mean you. There’s definitely something captivating in your eyes when you get that look.”
“Excuse me?” Dr. Monroe frowns, but I know she’s teetering on the edge. I have to go all in or her desire to keep me at bay will win. If I overstep my boundaries, she’ll tell me and it’ll be over. I’m willing to accept it if that’s what she decides, but I have to try.
“Sort of like the look you had last week when I told what I’d do to you,” I say, and Dr. Monroe doesn't reply. She just swallows hard, and I continue.