is what happens when you cheat.
“I’m sorry,” Eli mumbles. His eyes fall to the couch and stay there, defeated. “I thought we were ready to move past it. I thought we were moving past it.”
“You want me to forget all about it, huh? You want me to act like it never fucking happened, and to move on. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. Of course you do. Well, I don't fucking think so, Eli.”
I get up from the couch, tears still streaking down my face as my brow furrows and I fight back the urge to collapse onto the floor and bury myself beneath the sound of my own sobs. Instead of giving in to that urge, I start walking toward the bedroom, keeping my eyes glued to my husband.
“I don't know what we’re doing, Eli,” I say, my words shaky and stuffed with anger. “But we’re not moving on. We’re spinning our fucking wheels because you fucked your secretary, and I’m not ready to move on. So, sleep on the couch, because I can't stand the thought of you touching me with those hands.”
“Come on, Demi,” Eli pleads. “It’s been six months since we’ve touched each other at all.”
“I don't fucking care,” I growl as I reach the door to what used to be our room. Now it’s just mine. “You don't get to touch me. Maybe not ever again.”
I slam the door, and find peace in knowing Eli can't see me as I collapse onto the bed and sob. On this side of the door, I’m nothing more than a passenger inside a body that can do nothing more than cry.
FIRST SESSIONS
3
~ Malcolm ~
“Every part of me wants her. Every part. I know it has only been a month since we broke it off, but I’m still struggling with not having her around.”
“That’s interesting. Do you miss her actual presence, or do you miss her being submissive to you? There's a difference, you know?”
“I’m not sure I see the distinction.”
“No? Well, Dr. Colson, do you miss Ava’s conversation? Do you miss her laugh? Her smile? Her sense of humor? Either you miss the things about Ava that make her the person she is, or you miss the fact that she did what you wanted her to do. You miss controlling her, or just control in general. Now that she's not around, you feel out of control, and that bothers you.”
Dr. Evelyn Monroe sits across from me with a notebook in her hand. She's wearing a black button up with the top two buttons undone, giving me the slightest view of her upper chest and the faded mist of freckles there. Dr. Monroe is a natural redhead with blue eyes and a smile I have to pull my gaze away from. Her red hair flows down her back in waves, and I silently look forward to the next time she whisks her head to the side, sending the length of it flying over her shoulder.
“I suppose you're right,” I admit.
Since breaking things off with Ava, I haven’t been with anyone else. It started out as a break for me. I wanted to take some time to myself and focus on work. I just needed a minute to get it all together, because leaving Ava was like stepping off a boat into rocky seas. She’s gone, but I can still feel the motion from the waves she created in my life.
I didn’t think it’d be this difficult. I figured I’d be able to move on fairly quickly, and I’d find myself dating someone else who’s all about being a submissive. I thought I’d be stronger than this. I was wrong.
Since ending things with Ava, every day has been harder than the next. I miss what she gave me. I miss the way her skin felt when I glided my hand across it. I miss the way the braids of my flogger would caress her and she'd let out a squeal of ecstasy. I miss the way she sounded when she'd come for me, and how wet her pussy was right after. I’d have her juices all over the base of my cock, and I miss that. I miss knowing nobody could take care of her the way I could, and I miss knowing that she knew I was the only one who could do it the way I do. Every single moment since the day I closed the door in her face at my house, I’ve