make that decision, I’d suggest remembering the good parts of your relationship with Eli. Try to think of the things that made you fall in love with him in the first place, and find those qualities in him again. I think once you realize he's still the man you fell in love with, it'll be a little easier to forgive him. Not easy, but a little easier.”
Demi’s gaze floats around the room, never landing on anything for more than a second or two. She has a lot to think about, but if I had to guess, I'd say she's on her way to deciding to forgive Eli. As long as Eli is able to maintain his understanding of how brutally he messed up and continues to show Demi he loves and appreciates her, I think they have a real chance at redemption. It’s not often a couple is able to make it through infidelity, so I always feel the need to applaud those who are strong enough to survive it.
“Thank you, Dr. Colson,” Demi finally says. We lock eyes and I see she has tears in hers, but she's smiling. “I really appreciate everything you've done for us. I couldn't have asked for a better therapist. I’m not sure I’d be in the place I’m in today if it wasn't for you.”
“I appreciate that, Demi,” I reply. “But you're in the place you're in because you're incredibly brave and stronger than you realize. I've seen my fair share of couples crumble under the weight of infidelity. I've seen people collapse under that pressure. You, on the other hand, have what it takes to make it out of this even stronger than you were before it happened.”
“Thank you, Dr. Colson,” Demi replies as a tear glides down her cheek. “I hope you're right.”
UNBURDENED
23
~ Demi ~
Is your love for him bigger than his mistake, or was his mistake too big for you to go on loving him?
It’s the most complicated question I’ve probably ever had to grapple with. Why wasn't Eli’s love for me bigger than his temptation? Why did he have to force me to be the one to answer this question? It’s not fair. His love for me should’ve been bigger than anything else. We never should’ve ended up in this situation, and I’m not the person who’s at fault. This is on Eli, so why do I have to be the one faced with the tough decision? It’s not fair. Nothing about this is fair.
It’s midnight, and I should be asleep, but I’m awake with a racing mind instead. A million brutal questions swirl around in my head, and I can't even keep my eyes closed to try to sleep.
The session with Dr. Colson was great, but when I left his office, I felt burdened. I’m being crushed by the pressure of having to choose what’s next for my marriage. It’s all on me, and a decision has to be made. It’s been over six months since Eli slept with Amber, and I’ve been stuck in place the entire time. I’ve been spinning my wheels, fighting the same battle over and over again in my head, unable to move on. We’ve been sleeping in separate beds, and doing nothing more than arguing whenever we come together. It’s time for a change.
When I think about the marriage Eli and I have had, I’m torn by my emotions. Everything was so good before Amber. At least I thought they were. We had sex fairly often, we laughed, we shared similar interests. In my mind, we were perfect. I had no reason to doubt Eli’s love for me, and never in a million years did I think he’d cheat on me. I absolutely love Eli, but I hate what he did to us.
I hate that he broke my heart. I hate that he disrespected me in the worst way, as if I was nothing more than a fling instead of the love of his life. I hate that he didn’t communicate his issues with me before going off and sleeping with someone else. I hate that he tried to justify his actions by blaming me and my job. I hate it. I hate him. I fucking hate this.
On the other side of that hatred is my love for him. That love didn’t die when he cheated. It’s my love for him that makes me hate him for cheating. I’m mad at him, but I still love him, and after six months of