this will be the greatest phone call ever.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing, continue please.”
“One time at church, when I was younger, I set off a stink bomb I got at the fair. And it smelled so bad they had to have the service outside.”
“Well, I must say…” I die laughing. “I’m impressed. That’s quite the crime.”
“Oh shut up! I’ve done other stuff too.”
“I bet.”
“I have!”
“Sorry, not buying it.”
“Well, I’ve seen the movie American Pie.”
It takes my brain a full five seconds to compute what she just told me. Wait, that means, when I made the band camp joke, she totally caught the reference to a flute in a pussy and played it off.
I damn near choke when I try to respond. “Say what?”
“You want me to finish your little quote from the movie?”
God yes! “I, uhh…”
“I think you just lost at this little game of yours. I think that’s what happened.”
I think she might be right. So, Mary watched a movie with some masturbation and nudity. Now I really do wonder what else she’s done. Is she a closet freak? Just looks all straight-laced, but likes it rough? Has a case full of sex toys?
Fuck, my dick gets hard just thinking about it. I lay back on the couch and stare down between my legs, and it aches so damn bad. I haven’t jerked off in two months. That’s not a lie. It’s all because of Mary. I used to be a two-to-three-times-a-day guy. It happened after the first time I saw her, and the few times I’ve given in to temptation, I thought about her. I’ve never even been with another woman in my own mind.
“You still there?” she asks.
“Yeah, this whole idea of you just shifted on its axis a little back there.”
“Oh.”
My eyes widen. “Not in a bad way, at all.”
“In a perverted way?”
“I mean, I didn’t say it.”
“Just ask what you want to ask.”
Somehow my dick gets even harder. Are we diving into some sex talk here?
“Okay then, are you—”
She cuts me off. “You never said how you knew what I was doing earlier.”
“Huh?”
“You heard me.”
I can practically feel her grin from across Chicago. She so did that on purpose. Got me worked up, then changed the subject. I think she knows me better than I know myself.
In a rapid-fire response, I say, “Saw you on your work computer adding it to your DVR at work one day when I looked over your shoulder, and you sometimes carry a Bulls mug, and you have a Jordan sticker on your car. Now, back to…”
“You notice every single detail about everything, don’t you? You have a photographic memory or something?”
I shake my head. “I just pay attention. I’m not a genius. People tell you everything you want to know about them, if you just listen.”
“Okay then, Rick. I believe you. Not just about that. About what happened the other night too. I thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong.”
My hands ball into fists at the thought of causing her pain or making her feel rejected. I’m such an idiot. “I’m sorry. Trust me, it will never happen again.”
“And so you know, I’m really not perfect, and I’m not innocent, and I’m still a woman with needs, just like any other biological human being.”
Holy. Shit.
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
My hand finds its way to my cock just thinking about being with her. But beyond that, it’s not just about fooling around with Mary, or sleeping with her. I actually picture myself being with her, and I can’t find anything wrong with it. My heart aches when she’s not around. Every time something happens, I want to call her and tell her about it. I want to tell her every detail about me.
Just tell her things, then. Stop fucking around.
“You looked so beautiful on our date. I couldn’t stop staring at you.”
“Thank you.”
My stomach tightens up like a middle-school boy with a crush when I think about my next question. Usually, it’d just roll off the tongue, but I’m so afraid I’m going to scare her away, despite all the clues pointing in the opposite direction. “What are you wearing right now?”
Silence. Awkward silence.
So awkward I almost just hang up the phone, but finally, she responds.
“Pajama pants and a t-shirt.”
Holy fuck, she’s playing along.
“Bra?”
“No.” Her word comes out on a breathy whisper.
I fist my hard cock. Why is this a million times better than any actual sex I’ve had with anyone else? Because it’s Mary.
“Do exactly what I say, okay?”
“Okay.”
Wow. I