my life. We’re entangled somehow, spiritually or on a quantum level. I’m not sure what force drives it, but it belongs to us. It’s ours and there’s not another damn human on the planet who could have this connection with her. Only me.
Before she can respond, I text her back.
Me: I’ll tell you how I really know, if you answer the phone.
I don’t wait for a reply and call her again. She answers on the third ring.
“I can’t believe you got me to pick up the phone.”
“I can.” I stare off out my window, picturing her lying there, wishing I were there with her.
“Oh really? Why’s that?”
“Because you’re still curious about me. The same way I am about you.”
She thinks about what I said for a second. “Maybe.”
“There’s no maybe about it, and I’m sorry about the other night, after the date.”
Whew, I said it. Might sound like a bitch, but I want to be real and raw and honest with her, show her parts of me, despite the fact I could end up hurt worse than I’ve ever been in my life. She might be the only person I trust with my truths, well, most of them anyway.
“Did you just apologize to me? It doesn’t sound very Rick-like. And what are you apologizing for?”
“I messed up. I got nervous, scared really. I’m being one hundred percent honest right now. Not trying to be cocky, but that’s never happened to me before, ever.” For some reason, I sense her smiling at that. Now, she knows it wasn’t about her, but I’m going to tell her anyway. “It wasn’t anything you did wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“Okay.”
“I mean it, Mary. I should’ve kissed you. Fuck, I wanted to so bad. You have no idea.” I want to kiss her right now, and never stop.
Mary laughs, hard. Harder than I’ve ever heard her laugh. I wasn’t really telling a joke.
“Uhh, you okay?”
Through a fit of laughter, she says, “Yeah, I’m just a little concerned.”
“Concerned? About me?”
“Yeah, you’ve never said the f-word in front of me. I don’t think you’ve ever cursed in front of me.”
I smile at that. Damn, I think she’s right. I really was an idiot, pretending to be a perfect, wholesome man. “You told me to be myself, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I know everyone wants to treat me with kid gloves for whatever reason, but I can handle words, believe it or not. They don’t bother me.”
For some reason, I still feel guilty though. That’s the thing about Mary. I want to be better around her. I don’t want to curse and be crude. She makes me want to—I don’t know—actually grow up, accomplish things.
“You know why everyone treats you with kid gloves.”
“I really don’t. It’s not like I preach sermons to people in the office. I don’t even talk about church at the firm. I just do my job as best as I can.”
I love how easy the conversation is flowing between us. It was the same way on the date, and it’s the same way now. Why didn’t I just be myself from the beginning? Act like a normal human being and ask her out? She probably would’ve said yes.
“Sure, but…”
“But what?” she says with a mocking accusatory tone.
I smile at her reaction. “Come on. You may not say it, but everyone knows you’re the smart kid in class. The studious one. Does their homework on time. Never gets in trouble. Always early. Loves the Lord with all their heart. That’s why they treat you that way. And I’m absolutely not saying that’s a bad thing at all. I’m just saying. Perception trumps reality for most people.”
Mary sighs. “I mean, I guess.”
“What do you mean you guess? You know I’m right.” I snicker a little at the end, to let her know the conversation is still light-hearted.
“Well, I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I’ve done things.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?” Now, I’m intrigued.
I can practically hear her face palm on the other end of the line, and she laughs. “I should’ve never said that out loud. I should know my audience better.”
“Yes, you should, but it’s too late for all that now. Give it up!”
She hems and haws on the other end of the line. “Well, I’m trying to think.”
“I’m sure you are. Thinking really hard about it. Tough to find a story out of the multitude of instances.”
“Such a jerk.” She laughs. “Oh, okay, I got one.”
“Give it to me.”
“One time…”
“If you say ‘at band camp’