we’ll see Pastor Jeremiah tonight?” I waggle my eyebrows at her.
She grins and shakes her head. “You’re the worst.”
“Maybe he’ll have a hot date there too. We can hit a bar after the play.”
She dies laughing. I’m relieved too, because the joke just kind of slipped out. She did say she wants the real Rick, though. And that was tame-as-fuck real Rick. Probably best to ease her into my actual personality, or just completely change altogether. I think she’s actually already changed me a lot; more than she knows.
She’s laughing, though. That’s all I know, and that’s a good thing.
“What?” I give her a side eye.
“Just picturing him at a bar. Or even seeing us out together like… this.” She smiles. “I think he’d be less surprised than we are, actually.”
“You’re probably right. He’s a cool old man.”
Mary nods. “Yeah, he is.”
“I wouldn’t know him if it weren’t for you. Thanks for that.”
Mary glances over, and I wish I didn’t have to drive so I could gauge her reactions better, watch every detail about her on our date.
Finally, she blurts out, “I can’t believe you volunteer there. That’s when you really upped the whole charade.”
I laugh. I love how out in the open our conversation is right now, but she’s not wrong. Part of me, the reasonable part of my brain, has wondered what the hell is wrong with me for the past seven months. What is it that makes people do crazy shit, when they know everyone around them knows it’s not authentic, but they just keep doing it anyway to the point it alters their own reality? To where they believe the bullshit they’re putting out there? Just live in denial about it. Like someone who comes in late for work every day and pretends it’s normal and everyone else doesn’t notice.
I’ve literally pretended to be some entirely different person around Mary, twenty-four seven. Why? Why am I asking myself why? I know why. I’m in love with her, and there’s no fucking way I can come out and say that, because it’s insane. But I will do anything to be with her, and that includes being fake as hell, just so I can be near her.
I think that’s my biggest fear. She says she wants the real me, but does she know what she’s asking for? Can I tell her everything I am? Things about my past?
“I know it all probably seems nuts to you, but I don’t regret one bit of it.”
“You mean this whole ‘Christian Rick’ persona?”
“It’s not all bullshit.” I wince a little the second I say “bullshit” because I never curse in front of her.
Her eyes widen for a second, but then narrow in on me. “What do you mean?”
I shrug. “What I said. It’s been good for me. I don’t know that I necessarily love the church and my belief system is a conversation that could take all damn night, but I think it’s made me a better person. I like the people at church, and Jeremiah. I consider a lot of them to be real friends.”
Mary sits there for a long moment, probably thinking through what I’m telling her. “So they’re not just little pawns in your scheme or whatever? You really care about them?”
My fingers tighten a little on the steering wheel. “Of course.” I hate that she sees me as a manipulator who doesn’t care about anyone else but myself and what I want. That’s okay, though. I have time to change her mind, if she’ll just let me.
She smiles at my words, then her eyes light up even more when I pull into a parking lot. “You brought me to Smoque?”
“I know it’s not super fancy, but I figured it was as close to Texas as you were going to get.”
I pull up and park, and Mary starts to get out of the car. Instinctively, my hand goes to her leg before I can stop myself. My eyes meet hers and I just say, “Wait.”
Fuck if it doesn’t feel amazing too. I don’t ever want to let go of it. Her skin is so soft and smooth, and she’s so fucking hot. The fact she doesn’t act all snobby about her beauty is ten times hotter than some arrogant chick who lies in a tanning bed all day. Why is everything so damn intense with her? A hand on the leg and I think my cock might burst through my jeans. All my senses are dialed to eleven