my neck.
Chapter 27
Josh
“Do you think you’ve learned enough about sex?”
Sara makes a noise. “Phhht. I’ll never learn enough. You’re going to have to keep teaching me for a long, long time.”
“You sure you’re not using me for sex?”
“Ha ha. I admit, at first that was what I wanted. But then I got greedy…and I wanted you to love me.”
In her bed, with my arms wrapped around her, I squeeze her. “I do.”
“And I’ll keep teaching you how to have fun.”
“Please do.”
“But remember…you said you’d tell me if I piss you off.”
“Right.”
“Only…maybe you could do it nicer than last time?”
“Fuck.” I close my eyes and press my cheek to her hair. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. I’m kidding. Sort of.”
“I’ll do better. And you tell me if I’m not.”
“Deal. Remember? We agree to try to compromise.”
“Right.” My throat pinches. “Right.”
She’s silent for a minute. “I’m writing a book.”
“Huh?”
“It’s a crazy idea, but an editor at the publishing house where Connor works told me I should. And Connor said that if an editor at a big publishing house says you should write a book, you write it, right fucking now, and send it to her.”
“Wow. That’s great.”
“I don’t really know if I have anything to say.”
“That doesn’t stop you.”
“Hey!” She twists and looks at me.
I grin. She grins back.
“You’re right,” she says.
We get out of bed eventually to order food.
“Thank God I showered today,” Sara says as we eat Vietnamese. “If you’d shown up yesterday, you would have turned around and left again.”
“Doubtful.”
She shrugs. “I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.” She presses her lips together and gazes at me. “I’m still afraid to believe this.”
“Don’t be afraid.” I lean over to kiss her, hating that there’s any doubt in her mind. “Maybe we have shit to learn, but we can help each other. Like we have been.”
She nods, eyes bright.
After dinner, I grab my phone and check messages. I go very still and when I read the one from Laura. I drop my phone and close my eyes.
“What is it?”
I swallow, my throat pinched up tight. “Carter passed away. Around four this afternoon.”
“Oh. Oh no. I’m so sorry.”
She moves closer and lies on me, sliding her arms around me. I hold her tight. We’re quiet for a long time. I knew it was coming, but it’s still fucking hard.
“You okay?” she whispers eventually.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “I’m so goddamn lucky I got to meet that guy. Neither of us planned it, but it was amazing. If I hadn’t been traded here, I wouldn’t have met him either.”
She nods.
Knowing Carter has shaped me, just like knowing Sara has, and knowing Easton, and nearly dying in a bus crash. Everything that’s happened to me has shaped who I am. I just wanted to be the me from before the accident, and not be afraid anymore. But that me is gone. I’m a different person now.
And I’m not afraid.
Because having someone else to care about and worry about takes away the selfishness of my fears. Loving Sara makes it easy to be brave.
“Roses are red…”
She lifts her head to peer up at me. Her eyes are damp, even though she didn’t know Carter.
“Violets are blue. My heart is full of love for you.”
Her face glows as she touches my face. “Same.”
Epilogue
Sara
I always thought I was too weird for someone to love. And I didn’t know if I’d ever find someone I would love. But I found someone—my someone, who sees me for who I really am, someone who accepts that I’m honest and smart and, yes, maybe a little crazy. I’ve had mental health struggles and I probably will again, I’m impetuous and distractible, but Josh loves me anyway.
I’m at my desk, sitting in front of my laptop. Josh is stretched out on my couch, reading. The playoffs start tomorrow. We’ve been going out and doing fun things because we won’t see each other much over the next few weeks. Or months, depending how things go for them. I hate that, but I know this is his life. And I’ll be cheering him on.
I’ve been feeling great. So happy and content and confident.
Until now, as I see myself talked about online on a WAGs (Wives and Girlfriends) blog. And when I say talked about, I mean trashed.
It’s not like this has never happened to me. I’ve taken my share of criticism and abuse from trolls and haters. I know it doesn’t matter. But this time…it’s because I’m with Josh.
I’ve never said anything