Los Angeles.”
He nods.
“And you have a busy week. Three away games.”
“Yeah, but tomorrow we play on Long Island, so it’s not really away.”
“Right.”
We enter my apartment and get rid of our outerwear, then curl up on my couch with our drinks. Josh gives me a taste of his chocolate, which is amazing.
“Thank you for doing that today.” I meet his eyes over the rim of my cup as I sip my latte.
“It was fun. Thanks for making it so casual. I sometimes forgot Connor was there recording us, so it just felt”—he shrugs—“fun.”
“Good. Do you want to see the finished video before I upload it?”
He purses his lips. “No, that’s okay. I trust you to not make me look like an idiot.”
I grin. “I don’t have that worry when it comes to myself. I always look like an idiot.”
“No, you don’t.” He looks troubled by my offhand comment.
“It’s okay.” I reach out and touch his cheek. “I’m a misfit. I know it.”
“How can you be a misfit when millions of people watch your videos and listen to your podcasts?”
“It’s because…” I stop. “It’s because I think most people feel like a misfit in some way.”
He nods slowly. “I guess that’s true.”
“Even you?” I sip more coffee.
“Yeah.” He pauses. “Even me. The last time I felt like I really belonged somewhere was when I played for the Warriors.”
“You were a teenager.”
“Yeah. But the bond with those guys…it was tight. After the accident, I didn’t know what was going to happen with my life. At first I was in denial, but then when I had to face that I had really bad injuries and might not play again, I felt like…nothing.”
My heart squeezes sharply and I suck on my bottom lip.
“Even when I played in Texas, I didn’t feel like I totally belonged. Guys would complain about a pulled muscle—hockey players are tough but they still complain—and all I could think was they’re so fucking lucky they can walk and play. And here”—he shrugs—“I’m the new guy.” He meets my eyes. “But why do you still feel like a misfit? You’re successful, super cool, so…” He stops. “I don’t know a word for it, but I get why people love to watch you. It’s…a star quality?”
Heat floods through my veins. “Really?” I ask softly.
“People must tell you that all the time.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I mean, I guess I sort of know that on one level, but…that doesn’t change who I am on the inside. I still feel like the weird kid in high school who couldn’t play sports, got bored in class, and dressed in thrift shop clothes. I just always felt…different.”
He nods. “I guess that’s how I feel…different. I don’t know anyone else who’s been through what I went through.”
“Except maybe Carter.”
His eyelids flare. “Yeah.”
“When are you going to see him again?”
“Shit. This week is busy. Maybe this weekend? I have to call the hospital and make sure it’s okay.”
“I’m sure it will be. It sounds like he was happy to see you.”
Josh smiles. “Yeah.”
“And that wasn’t even planned.” I know I’m prodding at a sore spot.
His smile turns wry. “Yeah, yeah. I get it.”
I lean over and kiss him, letting my tongue lick over his bottom lip. He tastes like chocolate.
When we draw apart, he stares into my eyes and says, “I was never serious about Cora.”
Whoa. I blink. “Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you. I wasn’t hiding anything from you. We were done. I’ve gone out with lots of girls…but I’ve never really had a girlfriend. As an adult, anyway.”
“You had a teenage girlfriend?”
“Yeah. When I lived in Swift Current. Stacey. She was related to the family I billeted with; that’s how we met. We were together about a year.”
“Did you break up because of the accident?”
“Sort of. After I got moved to the hospital in Winnipeg, she came once with her parents to see me. But we were only seventeen, and she obviously couldn’t stay in Winnipeg, and she lived eight hundred kilometers away, and she was pretty freaked out by all my injuries, so…Anyway, it just ended.” He holds my gaze. “How about you?”
“Well, you already know I was never serious enough about anyone to have sex. Even though girlfriends kept telling me it was okay to have sex with anyone I wanted…I just never wanted to. I had one boyfriend in high school. Then a guy I met here in New York.” I pause.