there. It was…hollow. It was so important to me, but it felt like a joke without them there. I was just relieved that I’d made it.”
“I was…jealous,” I admit in a rusty voice. “When you got drafted, I still didn’t know if I’d be able to play again. I was so fucking bitter.”
Easton closes his eyes and nods. “I felt guilty. That I could play when others couldn’t. When I got drafted, I told myself I was playing for them too.”
I stick my fork into the mix of grains in my bowl and scoop up some. It tastes like chalk, but I chew and swallow. “I’m ashamed of myself,” I confess.
“Me too.” He sighs, holding his burger. “But like I said, we were kids. It’s in the past. It’ll always be part of us, but maybe what happened…what we went through…it made us stronger.”
“I don’t feel strong. Ever since the accident, I’ve been…afraid.”
“I know.”
Our eyes meet again.
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” I say roughly.
“We’ve got this. Look what we’ve accomplished. I even got brave enough to take a chance with Lilly.” He pauses. “Speaking of Lilly…and Sara…you fucked up the other night, bro.”
My chin jerks back. “What?”
“At the Fine Fox. When you told her it was none of her business. She looked like you just slapped her in the face. That was harsh, man.”
I stare at him. Then I slump. “Yeah. I’m an asshole.”
“Have you talked to her? Apologized?”
“No.” I cough. “She texted me, apologizing. She said I was right, it was none of her business, and she basically told me to fuck off and have a nice life.”
His eyes bulge. “You broke up?”
“Appears so. But it’s just as well. Going out with her was…” I stop.
“What?”
I still don’t know what to say. She messed up my orderly life, but I just told Easton I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Afraid of change, afraid of doing something that’s not carefully planned…afraid of caring too much. Afraid of caring too much for her.
Clearly, since I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her and missing her, and not giving a shit about anything else…it’s too late for that. I do care for her.
“Shit,” I mutter. I rub my eyes. “You’re right. I fucked up.”
“So fix it.”
I nod. Is it too late, though? I don’t blame her for not wanting to see me ever again.
We finish our lunch and talk shop for a while, discussing our power play unit, what’s been going right, what’s been going wrong. As we talk, it gets easier. Lighter.
“Remember the time we filled Hunter’s gloves with pink glitter?” he asks as we’re paying the bill.
I laugh. “Oh yeah. Every time he opened his bag after that, the glitter was still there.”
“The prank that keeps on giving.”
After lunch, I sit in my car for a few minutes before heading home. I need to see Sara.
But then my phone rings. It’s Carter’s mom, Laura.
“Hey, Laura, what’s up? I was going to call about coming to see Carter this week.”
There’s a short silence, then she says, “Josh.”
I wait. “Yeah?”
“Carter’s not doing well. He’s at home now…they think he only has a day or two left.”
I shake my head, not understanding. “He’s home?” That should be a good thing. A day or two left? Slowly, it clicks into place. “No…”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice is thick. “If you want to see him one more time, you should come today.”
I stare out my windshield but see nothing. “Yeah,” I finally say. “I’ll be there.”
I have their address in Brooklyn, but I need to use my map app on my phone to figure out how to get there. It’s probably going to take me all day, for Chrissake.
By the time I get there, I’m frazzled from driving in New York traffic and terrified of what I’m going to find. Laura opens their front door with a sad smile and lets me in.
“Thank you for coming,” she says. “Your visits have meant so much to him.”
“They’ve meant a lot to me too,” I choke out.
She leads me into the living room. Carter’s lying on the couch. For the first time since I met him, he looks…broken. Sick. He never seemed sick before.
My chest tightens as I walk over. He sees me and holds out his fist for a fist bump, but then his arm drops and he closes his eyes. I sit in the nearby armchair and meet Laura’s eyes. She sits on the couch and rubs Carter’s legs