when we were kids. Not the captain, but still a leader. The guy who wouldn’t let the hazing shit happen to me when I joined the team, a year younger than him. I never forgot that—how he stood up for me. And I joined with him on that the next year.
I close my eyes, regret for our lost friendship sweeping through me. Shit.
After a moment of nostalgia, I grab my phone. The first thing I see is Sara’s text congratulating me on the win.
You played fantastic! Sex must be good for your athletic performance.
I grin, my melancholy falling away, and tap in a reply. You know what that means…
What?
I need sex before every game. Not that I’m superstitious or anything.
How am I going to come to your away games??
Good question…we need to figure that out. We can just go with the home games for now.
LOL
Now I’m thinking about sex with Sara. Damn, that was hot. It was spectacular. It was also…shit, I don’t know. I’m getting all caught up in that virginity thing again. But it did mean a lot to me that it was her first time and she wanted to do it with me, and it seemed like it was pretty good for her. Okay, I’m being modest. She was wrecked. In a good way.
How are you feeling? Sore?
Yeah. But it’s kind of hot. Every time my muscles twinge, I get turned on.
I groan. Christ. You’re killing me.
Really, I’m fine.
You’re fantastic.
♥
We end the text convo with a promise to talk tomorrow.
I drop my phone on the bed and close my eyes. Yeah, she’s fantastic. So honest. Sure, she gets distracted and sometimes it’s hard to follow her conversation when she randomly throws out questions about what my perfect day would be. But she’s so real and sweet, it’s impossible to be mad at her for dragging me to that poetry reading or making me do the bumper cars on ice. I like how she’s so self-aware—she knows she does those things. She apologizes. And she laughs at herself. Like that joke about Botox when her lips were so swollen she could barely talk and she had no blood pressure. She’s fun. I think I’ve forgotten what fun is.
Just stopping to look at that church last night…it’s a church, not something I set foot in very often anymore. But it was beautiful, the old stone glowing in the dark. Little moments like those…I need to appreciate those more.
I really do like her. But…I also need to be careful. I didn’t plan to have a new girlfriend before I’d even moved into my new apartment. I didn’t plan to have a new girlfriend at all. I knew I’d have to focus on hockey to get me through this huge disruption in my life. Hockey’s the one thing I can count on. Relationships are risky. Going out with Cora didn’t feel risky, I guess because I honestly didn’t care that much. But Sara…feels risky. What I need is stability. Routine. I need to work hard so I can forget about my past. And I don’t mind being alone.
I was annoyed when she asked that question—what’s something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time but haven’t done? Of course I was thinking about Millsy. And then she asked why I haven’t talked to him about it.
I could have done it. I’ve seen him occasionally over the years; we play in the same league. But I’m not exactly going to chitchat at center ice during a warm-up to ask him why the hell he never cared enough about me to come see me or even call me when I was a bunch of busted-up bones.
I could have done it since I’ve been in New York.
But like I said…it doesn’t matter anymore. That was a long time ago.
I really like Sara, but digging into shit like that, shit I don’t want to think about never mind talk about, is way too personal.
So I need to be careful.
Chapter 15
Sara
“So I think that now that you’re so incredibly popular, it’s time to change up your image a bit.”
I stare at Harper. “Excuse me?”
Did I hear her right?
She smiles. “I have a couple of clothing brands that are interested in making you their brand ambassador. We need to talk about what the best fit would be. One of them is Tryst.”
I nod. “They have beautiful clothes. But aren’t they for…older women?”
Harper rolls her eyes. “By older, you mean my age?”
Eeep. “I don’t