she not understand I’d trade spots with her in a second?
Rabbit smiled and said, “Good luck,” like she thought there was a chance in hell this would go well. I hadn’t given her as many details on my magical failures as I had with the Belinda situation, but I’d told her enough that any optimism was wasted.
I stepped into the back room and saw the gem waiting on the table for me. Hawk stood, arms crossed, making it as clear as the finest crystal that the easygoing attitude of last night was over, a blip. Hawk the drill sergeant was back with gusto.
He gave me a look that didn’t need any words. I took off my necklace and put it on the side table before picking up the gem. The thing lit up like I’d nuked it.
“Are you trying? We’re running out of time. This should be simple. I’d thought we’d come to an arrangement,” he said, looking to the door, reminding me of Rabbit’s presence here and what he surely considered overpayment.
“Do you think I want to fail this much? Would anyone possibly want to fail this much? I’m trying.” I didn’t dare tell him that Zab was lighting the fire in my room every night. Or that he left a candle for me too.
If I wasn’t so adept at destroying things unintentionally, I would’ve begun to think I was incapable of anything magical.
The more time that went by, the more I tried, the more I wondered if Jasper was right. Maybe my magic—or I—was evil. I shouldn’t be doing anything with it. Maybe my mother had known too. It was clear she must’ve known about this place, at the very least. Maybe she’d lived here once and that was why she’d left and didn’t want me to ever come? That was why I’d had to be hidden, had to live a life of lies. I might’ve appeared normal on the outside, but deep down, there was something wrong with me.
Hawk walked over and pointed at the gem. “If you were trying, it wouldn’t be glowing.”
My life had become a bad rerun. Failure was the only channel available, and I was the actor hired for the role who had to keep replaying the part. Forget that I’d already been paid. We needed to be canceled.
I put the stone down on the table. “You need to send me back.”
There was a flicker in his eyes. I didn’t know if it was anger or what, but it didn’t matter. I was angry and past the point of worrying how he felt or what he’d do. I didn’t care if he was going to kick me out into the cold. There had to be something better than this.
Instead of raging or getting mad, he walked closer. “You can do this.”
His belief in my abilities in the face of repeated failures was bordering on lunacy.
“Maybe my magic is…” My words trailed off as Belinda walked in, making her way to the tea table.
“How’s everything going?” She was all smiles and cheer, as if she didn’t want to gut me and then salt my organ meat and store it in a dank basement for later feasting.
“It’s fine,” Hawk said.
She took her teacup and sipped daintily before asking, “Do you need any help? Is there anything I can do?”
“Actually, yes,” Hawk said.
I looked at the floor, his shoes, my shoes, the wall, anywhere but at the two people talking. Was he really going to invite her in to witness my continual failure? Her? Of all people? That would be it. I’d walk out of here and be done. He’d have to drag me back in if he wanted me.
“Of course. What can I do?” she asked, so sickly sweet my stomach ached.
“Close the shop up early and send everyone home.”
Don’t smile. No one liked a gloater. I’d have to be secretly happy. Although I couldn’t stop myself from glancing up to see the reaction.
She nodded, as if she weren’t seething inside, and then took her tea and left.
The happiness and relief from that lasted a few seconds before it was time to deal with the truth again. I took another few steps closer to Hawk so that we were only a foot or so apart, in case Belinda was waiting outside listening. I was going to have to own it. I couldn’t do what he wanted, and for a possibly bad reason. If he hadn’t killed me when I called for Rabbit, he’d get over