When I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.”
Neither of us said anything else for a moment as we measured each other up from our separate couches.
Fine. Maybe he really didn’t know what he needed, but there were other details he could be sharing. “Why is Raydam your opposition? How worried should I be?”
“We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. He likes to bring powerful witches and warlocks into his fold. If you want to be in the fold, then there would be nothing to be worried about.”
Into the fold. I’d never liked that expression, because I had no desire to be folded by anyone. I was either going to lie flat or be crumpled in the corner, but it would be of my choosing.
Hawk never tried to bring me into the fold. As much as Hawk kept his secrets and his distance, it was better. Yes, definitely better. A clean break was all I wanted from this situation, and that was tough when you were busy trying to iron out creases. I was going to be out of here the second I could be without any creases to remind me, or as few as possible.
“What if I don’t let him touch me?”
“He’ll find a way to make skin-to-skin contact. If you snub all his attempts, it will be the same as telling him how much magic you have. He’ll know.”
“How much do I have to manage to hold back?”
“A lot.”
I remembered the categories Rabbit had explained to me, waited to see if he’d label me. When he didn’t, I didn’t ask, because it wouldn’t matter once I was out of here. It didn’t matter now, either. The only thing I would use my magic for was to get home, and I couldn’t do that.
I toyed with the seam on the back of the couch as a soft thud sounded beside me.
“Well? Are you going to try?” he said. “Unless you’re looking to keep your options open.”
I looked down at the gem lying beside me. Once again, he’d managed to avoid touching it while I could see him. I hadn’t seen a flare of light, either. Did he use something to throw it, or did he turn the gem black like his heart?
“What do I do?” I asked, looking at it, knowing there were only two choices: blunt my magic or deal with even more people who wanted things from me.
Hawk leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. “Before you touch it, imagine all the energy in your hand is gone, numb. The further you can shift it away from your hand, your wrist, even your lower arm, and hold it close to your core, the better.”
I held the gem, focusing on pulling my magic back. The thing barely dulled. I dropped it back onto the couch. It was clear how tonight was going to go. Nothing I did magically went according to plan, ever. Maybe it was because I’d lived in Rest, or maybe I was too stupid. I didn’t know, but it made me sure that I needed to get out of here. Nobody this bad at magic should be living in Xest.
“Try again,” he said, not sounding any more optimistic than I felt.
I picked it up, knowing exactly what was going to happen. The thing might’ve been brighter. I dropped it onto the couch again and then stood, wanting to put some space in between me and my latest failure.
“We’ve barely started and you’re taking a break?”
“I. Am.” I moved to the window, crossed my arms, and stared out at the alley instead of facing him. “We both know how this is going to go.”
I expected him to rage and yell, tell me to sit back down and pick up the gem. That I was going to try all night until we both gave up.
Instead, he stood. “We’ll try first thing tomorrow. Maybe you’re tired.”
Huh? I wasn’t tired at all. In fact, I was as well rested as I’d been since I’d gotten here. The only fatigue I had was from failure.
Part of me wanted to call him out. Someone had plans and didn’t want to share. The idea of five hours of being a loser changed my words to “Yeah, maybe after a good sleep.”
A few minutes after Hawk walked out, I made my way upstairs. At least Rabbit was here. It was nice having another body in the building at night, someone I could go hang out with,