he sensed the gravity of the question and the precipice I stood upon.
Something flurried inside of me, calling from deep within. It felt like something was clicking into place, as if I were supposed to be here somehow, in this moment, and I had no conceivable reason why, other than maybe some part of me had come to like this strange place called Xest. I didn’t want whatever that evil thing was in the forest to ruin it, not for Zab or Musso or Hawk. Not for Rabbit, either. And when I left here, it might be nice to know I could come back someday if I wanted.
I straightened my shoulders, holding my head high. “I can do this.”
It wasn’t a question anymore. I believed it. I could do what was needed to fix this world.
“I know. I’ve known for a while, but it’s nice to finally have you on the same page.” He took a step back, giving me room I hadn’t known I was going to need. “Once you start, don’t stop. Just keep going until the end and do what I told you.”
I held the paper in front of me, skimming the words once more. I could do this. The paper held eight sentences in total, two average paragraphs. This was not a big deal. Only a fragment of the spell. And it felt right. This would be okay.
I spoke the first sentence, words that seemed like gibberish, tripping over half of them. There was a sizzle in the air, like right before a storm, but nothing crazy happened. The second sentence was said and the air began to warm around me.
I looked at Hawk, who nodded, encouraging me to keep going. As long as he wasn’t freaking out and thought this was normal, I wouldn’t freak out either. By the third sentence, there was a power that felt palpable around me, and the hair on my head began to blow about. After that, I stopped counting. I focused on gripping the page and reading the rest of the sentences. My hands shook like I’d mainlined adrenaline, and the air pulsated around me as if it had become a creature of its own, with a heartbeat that throbbed through the air and I was in the center of the beast’s chest.
By the time I was done, terrified was an understatement. Hawk, who was standing close but not touching me, nodded, but I could see the urgency. I needed to finish, the way he’d said. I tried to take the quick, deep breath and then release. I dropped to my knees, placing my hands on the ground.
Nothing happened. I felt like I had an atomic bomb building inside of me and I couldn’t get my finger off the detonator. I tried to take another deep, hard breath and release it, but it didn’t do anything. I slapped my hands on the ground until I was beating the snow with my fists. The power was burning inside of me, around me, building until my thoughts felt scattered, and it was going to burn me alive from the inside out.
Arms wrapped around me as Hawk pulled my body snug against his. His magic shivering against mine, he bent over with me, placing his hands on mine and holding them to the ground.
“Force it out. You can do this.”
I didn’t speak. Wasn’t sure I could. I just gasped.
“Feel my energy. Mimic it.”
His heat and stillness enveloped me. I’d never thought of Hawk in terms of calm before, but his energy was like a beacon I clung to in the center of chaos. I could feel the waves of it coursing through his body, flowing down his arms and into his hands. His magic was calling to mine, coaxing it to follow like a tornado being pulled along a low-pressure front, riding the ridge of power.
At first, there was a hint of the pressure releasing, following the flow of his. And then it seemed to happen all at once. With a swoosh, all the built-up magic flooded out of me.
I sank forward, as if all my energy had gone with it. My hands shook, this time from weakness. Hawk curled his arms around me, pulling me against him as he fell back on to the snow, as spent as I was. He was lying underneath me, as if he’d used every ounce of himself to guide the magic out of me.
Neither of us moved or spoke.
37
I’d woken in my bed in the