TTYL, time for work.
I closed my laptop and thought about how I could approach William without an inquisition. Either way, nothing was going to be accomplished tonight. I kicked back in my bed and put on my headphones. I seriously needed to get out of this place because even noise cancelling headphones couldn’t block the incessant noise around me.
It was pretty sad that the nights I slept on the couch at work, I was able to pay attention in my classes, but the nights I slept in a proper bed, I struggled to keep my eyes open. I couldn’t even focus enough to count how many days were left until our lease was up. I’d rented the room because it was cheap, but I was starting to see the benefit of less money in savings in exchange for a place of my own. It might only be a studio apartment with a kitchenette, but it would be mine—no roommates.
Two minutes before the end of class, I started quietly packing away my notebook, pens, and laptop. If I hurried, I might be able to get to the bar before Corey. I hadn’t missed the fact that William had been coming in early on the days Corey worked, and I was hoping to use that to my advantage today. Once we opened, there was no way I’d take time when I was supposed to be working to talk to William about my personal life.
On the short drive from campus to work, I rehearsed what I wanted to say. Talking about myself made me uncomfortable, even when I knew the other person wouldn’t be shocked by anything I had to say. William definitely fell into that category, but the stakes felt higher than usual.
The back parking lot was empty when I arrived. It was strange to not see Jack’s car in his spot, but I was happy for him. He was scaling back how much he was here so he could get to know his boy.
I slumped back in my seat, giving myself five minutes to feel bad for myself. It was bad enough to see guys hooking up with one another every night, but now it felt like everyone close to me was coupling up, shining a spotlight on the terminally single guy.
It was still eerie to walk into the bar when it was completely silent. The light from behind the bar reflected off the mirror, offering just enough light to help me maneuver my way through the building without having to turn on the overhead lights. I grabbed a glass of Coke from the tap before sneaking into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. A free meal with every shift wasn’t something I needed, as I made decent money and my expenses were minimal—thanks to living with four other guys—but I wasn’t about to say no to it either.
Normally, I would hide out in my office to get some homework done before I had to start work, but today, the thought of being confined within those four walls felt stifling. Instead, I did something that would probably seem strange to a lot of people.
I went into the playroom. My happy place. I’d mostly steered clear of the area since opening night because I hadn’t wanted to address what Theron had made me feel. Every time I even looked at the room, I thought about how it felt when he’d place a hand over mine or how I’d been unable to resist standing next to him when he’d asked. Those were dangerous thoughts because I didn’t want to set myself up for another fall.
But now, with no one else in the building, I was able to see it through fresh eyes. I set my backpack down next to the oversized bean bag where I knew I’d eventually wind up. As I walked through the room, I picked up the toys and gear that I’d personally picked out for the space. The playroom might have been meant for everyone, but I’d taken liberty when filling it, creating the playroom of my dreams. I pulled a super soft unicorn out of the pet net in the corner. I loved her so much. She was squishy and soft, and when I’d picked her out, I’d imagined cuddling her when my mythical Daddy put me down for nap time. But now, that imaginary Daddy had a face and a name. I held her tight, fighting the urge to cry for what would never be.
“Hey, is