everything okay?” William’s brow was furrowed as he crossed the room. He cupped my cheek and I leaned into the touch, only to recoil instantly. He wasn’t my Daddy and never would be. He was Corey’s Daddy now. It made me a horrible friend, and a desperate, pathetic loser, to want William to hold me even though I knew he was with someone else.
I tripped over a chair in my haste to put some distance between us. William caught me, pulling me into a tight hug. “Talk to me, Sam.”
I shook my head, pressing my lips together. Never mind the fact, talking to William was the exact reason I’d come in as soon as I got out of classes. Now that he was here, I couldn’t bring myself to ask about Theron.
“Will you at least sit down? You’re anxious about something, I can tell.” William guided me to the bean bag and eased himself down before pulling me onto his lap. I should have told him no and pointed out that it wasn’t right for him to touch me that way when he was seeing someone else. “Sam, stop squirming.”
“But Corey,” I protested.
“Corey would cuddle you himself if he was here.” William wasn’t wrong about that. Both of them seemed to understand that sometimes I just needed someone to hold me. They were safe. They knew my secret and didn’t care. More than once, William had stepped in and told someone they weren’t welcome at the club if they couldn’t respect me. William pulled out his phone, not bothering to hide the screen from me as he typed out a message. “There. Now you don’t have to worry about feeling like we’re doing something behind Corey’s back. There’s a difference between comfort and intimacy, and Corey knows that. We’re going to sit here until you tell me what had you looking like you were about to cry when I walked in.”
“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I admitted quietly. My voice cracked and I despised how high it sounded. Most of the time, I was able to keep my tone from drifting higher, but when I got upset, my brain was too scattered to think about it. “I hate being scared all the time.”
“Oh, sweetie.” William held me tighter and kissed the side of my head. “I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but maybe it’s time for you to take a chance again. Not everyone is like that dickhead. There are people who would fall over themselves to love you just as you are.”
“But I’ll never be enough.” That was my greatest fear. Every night, I was surrounded by gay men looking to either fall in love or fall into bed, but few of them gave me a second glance. It was is if they were able to read me from across the room and found me lacking.
“You’re more than enough, Sam. And when the time is right, some Daddy is going to come along and he’s going to do everything in his power to make sure you never forget that.” When he said it, the words sounded like a promise more than wishful thinking. If only I had as much faith that my time would come. “Do you even realize there are men who already feel that way about you?”
“Doubt it.” I knew I was sulking, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want someday and someone; I wanted to go back in time and not push Theron away. “And if there was someone, I’d probably push him away because I can’t stop myself from seeing the worst-case scenarios in any situation.”
“Is there someone?” The lilt in William’s voice gave him away. He hadn’t overtly said anything to me in the past couple of weeks, but I’d heard him casually drop Theron’s name when I was within earshot, as if he was testing the waters.
“Maybe,” I hedged.
“But you’re scared,” William offered. The rhythmic back and forth motion of his thumb on my biceps soothed me. I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes. I nodded rather than confirming verbally. “Is this about a certain Daddy who couldn’t keep his eyes off you opening night?”
I nodded again, smiling because it felt good to hear that Theron’s attention wasn’t all in my head. The brain was a complex, deceptive part of the body, and every time I thought back to how good he’d made me feel, my brain jumped in with a host of reasons