But you don’t have to deal with that shit anymore.
Maverick0808: Do it, Sam.
Sammy1995: Do what?
Maverick0808: Man, if I have to tell you, then it feels like I’m trying to invite myself and that’s just sad.
I re-read the message a few times. This was a huge step in our friendship, and the selfish, insecure piece of me wasn’t sure I actually wanted to invite him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him there, but I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I he came and the close friendship we had online couldn’t survive the leap into real life.
Maverick0808: You don’t have to. I was just messing with you.
But I didn’t think he was. I jumped when I heard the garage door opening and shut the lid of my laptop. Theron wouldn’t be angry with me for talking to a friend, but I’d told him I was coming home to work, not to screw around.
I opened the door and stepped down into the garage. “Hi, Daddy.”
“What’s wrong, baby?” He grabbed his messenger bag off the front seat and hurried to my side. I let out of sigh when he wrapped his arms around my chest and cradled my head against his shoulder. “Rough day?”
“Not really.” He’d probably point out I was overreacting if I told him I was frustrated because I felt like one of my friends had given me the best gift ever, but I was afraid to accept it. Plus, I hadn’t told him anything about Maverick, and now that it was at the front of my mind, I worried he’d think there was something else going on between us because I’d tried to keep him my little secret. It wasn’t about that; it was because a lot of people had told me that online friends weren’t real friends.
Plus, I needed to talk to Daddy about my parents, too. They’d be here in a few days, and he didn’t know.
My chest felt heavy and I struggled to draw a breath. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was lying to him. I’d sworn I would never do that again.
“Hey, come sit with me.” His voice was soft and kind. He guided me into the living room and pulled me onto his lap. He had to stretch to reach my sippy cup, but he managed to grab it before it fell off the end table. “You’re a big ball of stress. I don’t like seeing you upset.”
“I’m not upset,” I assured him. “Not really. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Do you want to get changed before we talk?”
Yes.
I hadn’t realized until he said it, but I needed him to take over for me. I didn’t want to have to think about big people stuff tonight. I wanted to unload my worries and let him tell me how we were going to take care of everything. That way, I didn’t have to think about whether or not I was going to mess up.
“Stay right here. Daddy’s going to get what we need.” He deposited me onto the other end of the couch and handed me my sippy. I tipped it back, wishing I hadn’t been a good boy when I got home from school. I wanted juice, but I was stuck with stupid water. “I’ll only be upstairs for a minute. If you need me, just yell.”
We both knew I wouldn’t. I didn’t like it when people were loud at home. It reminded me too much of my apartment. Daddy’s house was quiet and tranquil. I wasn’t going to ruin that.
I focused on the soft squeak of the valve in my cup as I drank my water, and I was almost asleep by the time Daddy came back down the stairs. He spread my blankie on the floor, dropping everything he needed to change me. “Come down here, baby boy. It’s time to get comfy for the night.”
“But I thought your friend was coming over with his boyfriend,” I protested. Even if I had to change again before they arrived, it would be worth it. I needed little time like I needed oxygen.
“If we have to reschedule, they’ll understand,” he promised me. I almost told him they could still come over, but I wanted to be selfish. Another night would be better. I wasn’t in a good headspace for playing host and being big. I slid off the couch and shuffled over to Daddy on my knees. “You know, it might be easier if you