Not yet. First, he had to trust me, and the way his body quaked with fear told me we weren’t there yet.
I steepled my fingers against my chin, hunching my shoulders forward to make myself appear small. I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths before opening them to look directly at Sam. The goal here was to hide my rage over whoever hurt him in the past. “What would you say if I told you I’d been in a horrible work accident and I’d lost my dick?”
That got exactly the reaction I’d been hoping for. Sam gaped at me before bursting out laughing. “I’d ask what you did for a living.”
“I’m a high school principal,” I informed him. He’d missed the point, but the tension had been cut. “Would you think me less of a man if I didn’t have my penis because of a work accident?”
“Of course not!”
“Then why would I think any less of you because you weren’t born with a penis attached to your body?” At every turn, Sam amazed me. His earlier apprehension made sense now. He’d been scared that being honest with me would send me running, but the exact opposite was true. It was nearly impossible for me to keep from pulling him onto my lap so I could tell him it would all be okay.
I wouldn’t lie and tell him there wouldn’t be any adjustment period being with him, but I was more intrigued now than before. It had nothing to do with what was or was not inside his jeans, but the strength it took to not only live authentically, but to speak so frankly about his truth.
“You really mean that?” he asked, curling into a tight ball on his chair, arms pulling his knees to his chest. “You don’t think I’m less of a man because I’m trans?”
“No, I don’t,” I responded firmly. And if we’d already come to an agreement about how our relationship should look, I’d have threatened to spank him for saying such a thing. But that wasn’t really fair, either. His fears were rooted in his past experiences, and the best way to show him how I felt about him was to show him every day that he was special and worthy, and exactly how he was meant to be.
It was impossible for me to not go to him. I carefully rounded the cocktail table between us, crouching in front of him. I smiled when I held out my hands and he placed his in mine. “I’m so proud of you for telling me. I hate that you felt you had to, but I get it. And I promise, if you give me a chance, I won’t do anything to hurt you and I will never use this against you. When is the next night you’re off work?”
“Monday, why?”
“Because I’d like to take you on a proper date,” I explained. “This is a bit of an unconventional way to start a relationship, and I’d like the opportunity to properly court you.”
“I’m not some nineteenth century maiden,” Sam argued.
I gave in to the need to touch him. He smiled when I traced my thumb over his cheekbone. “I’m fully aware of that, sweetheart. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve someone who will take you out to a nice dinner so we can get to know one another in a more organic way. You’re a beautiful man, and I’m honored you’re even willing to give me a chance. Can I take you to dinner on Monday?”
“I’d love that.”
When I stood, I pulled him upright with me. “May I hug you?”
“Absolutely.” He sniffled as I pulled him into my arms and hummed as I kissed the side of his head. “Thank you for accepting me.”
“You never need to thank me for that, any more than I would need to thank you for being okay with me being a grumpy old man.” Okay, so I wasn’t particularly grumpy, but there was a significant age difference between us. If he was okay with that, we’d already gotten past the first big hurdles.
5
Sam
Monday came and went without a date. I felt bad, but I couldn’t do it. Every time I tried getting ready to go, my mind conjured up yet another worst-case scenario about how I’d make a total fool of myself and Theron would never want to see me again. No matter how many times I reminded myself that William said he was a great guy or that he knew