framed pictures of the ocean and mountains dotted along the walls of the upstairs hallway. “Did you take these?”
“I did,” he confirmed. “It’s more of a hobby than anything, but photography is something I enjoy almost as much as going for walks along the beach or spending time hiking in the mountains. There’s something peaceful about being with nature. Do you like the outdoors?”
Theron opened a door and ushered me inside. I frowned when I realized this couldn't possibly be the master bedroom. It was small, impersonal, and I couldn’t see anything that looked like it belonged to Theron. Then again, maybe that was for the best because, as much as I wanted to fool around, Theron taking me to his room felt like a huge step.
My breaths came in quick bursts as I followed Theron into the guest room. It wasn’t anything special, but I instantly loved the space. It had the same soft gray paint on the walls as most of the house, but the colors in here were brighter than everywhere else. The artwork on the walls held an almost childlike quality. As I got closer, my heart skipped a beat when I noticed they were all renderings of the older style Winnie the Pooh and friends. This space was subtle, but also obviously created for a little.
I was not going to let myself wonder how many other boys he’d had here. When I caught myself thinking about how I would stack up to the others, I stuffed a hand in my front pocket and dug my fingernails into my thigh.
“Second thoughts?” Theron’s question snapped me out of my thoughts. He stepped in, sliding a hand around to the back of my neck. “Something’s bothering you.”
I nodded. As much as it scared me to admit, lying wasn’t an option. Theron pulled me onto the bed next to him. It sat higher than most beds and my legs dangled over the edge. It was silly, but I loved that because it made me feel little. I could feel him watching me as I stared straight ahead. I jumped when he placed a hand on my leg, instantly calming as I reminded myself that Theron wasn’t going to make me do anything I wasn’t ready for. I’d talked to William and Jack about him, and both of them said Theron was a great guy who wanted a boy to treat like a prince. That could be me; I could be his prince, as long as I didn’t let my own issues push him away.
“Not second thoughts,” I clarified as I picked at a loose thread on my jeans. My skin felt itchy. That wasn’t good. I remembered this feeling from when I was younger, and I hated it. I lifted my hand to my mouth, but Theron pulled it away, holding it tight so I couldn’t chew on my nails. Stupid nervous habits. “I think overwhelmed is a better way to say it. Like, I’ve thought about this moment for a long time, but it was always this abstract concept that might not ever happen. But now it is…”
“And that’s a lot for you to take in?” Theron offered when I didn’t finish my thought. I nodded again. He surprised me by pulling me onto his lap so that I straddled his legs. He held me tight and buried his face against my chest. “Oh, sweetheart. Everything is going to be just fine. Like I said, we can take things slow so it’s not too much at once.”
That was the last thing I wanted. The slower we went, the more time I’d have to convince myself this wasn’t real, or that I was just an experiment to him, or he was doing this for me because he felt sorry for the trans kid who couldn’t find a Daddy to love him. No, if he wanted me to be his boy, I needed him to pick me up and throw me into the deep end, so to speak.
But for him to do that, he needed to know that’s what I needed. And that meant I needed to be honest with him. I ignored the rolling feeling in my stomach and swallowed around the lump in my throat. I sucked in a quick breath and let it out in a huff. I could do this. I wasn’t the scared kid I’d been when I’d started college.
“Can we not? Please? I know you’re trying to help me, and you don’t want to