man I’ve ever met, and he uses the information to give us sound advice that I believe could work if we were two people who were still invested in working it out, which I’m not sure we are anymore. Dr. Colson has earned my trust and respect. I only wish Brandon would shut the fuck up so Dr. Colson could earn his.
“Okay, you're frustrated, Brandon,” Dr. Colson says, his voice low and commanding. “And I like that you're communicating today, instead of holding it all in. However, your communication can’t be powered by assumptions. I don't think Tessa doesn't want to listen to you. I think what's more likely is that your main concern is talking and getting your point across, rather than reading your girlfriend’s body language and nonverbal clues. From what I’m seeing—and please correct me if I’m wrong, Tessa—Tessa is shutting down. She looks drained. Brandon, have you asked Tessa how she feels about all of this?”
I don't look over at him, but I hear Brandon let out an exasperated breath before speaking.
“I don't have to ask her anything,” Brandon says. “I can tell from the look on her face that she’s somewhere else in her head, and that’s fine with me, because I can go somewhere else in mine.”
Now it’s my turn to sigh. When I do, both men in the room turn their eyes to me. I’ve been quiet throughout the entire session today, choosing instead to let Brandon get out whatever bullshit he wants to say. Maybe I’d feel compelled to speak up if I felt like Dr. Colson believed a single word slithering out of Brandon’s mouth, but I can tell he doesn't. He looks disinterested, which is the mirror reflection of how I feel.
However, everybody has a tipping point. Usually, when Brandon starts off on one of his long venting sessions, I just let him vent. My mother taught me not to say anything when I don't have anything positive to add to the conversation, but that is getting to be too much of a task, because not only am I tired, I’m fed up.
“Tessa, is there something you'd like to add?” Dr. Colson asks. Those green eyes of his glare at me, telling me that the therapist has given me an in, and that I should take advantage of the opportunity.
I turn to Brandon and shake my head. “That was a joke, right?”
Brandon frowns. “What?”
“What you just said about going somewhere else in your head,” I continue. “Brandon, you don't need to go somewhere else in your head, because you literally leave all the time. You're always out doing something else. That’s what brought us here in the first place. You don't touch me anymore, and that’s because you're always gone.”
“You're mad that I don't touch you?” Brandon tries to strike back. “That’s so dumb, Tessa. How do you expect me to touch you when I’m out trying to make something of myself? I’m out there trying to make it big, while you're content being a veterinary assistant, working at your father’s clinic. You might be okay with a normal, boring life, but I’m not. I’m out there trying to become somebody in this world.
“And if we’re being honest, when we do get to spend time together, you don't even seem happy to be with me. Maybe I’m physically distant, but you're mentally distant. It’s like you’re constantly thinking about whether or not you even want to be with me anymore. You're never satisfied. Like, when we have sex, you look dispassionate and detached. When I ask you what you want me to do, you tell me you don't know, but you act mad that I don't know either. What am I supposed to do with that? How am I supposed to satisfy you when you don't even know what you want?”
I steal a glance at Dr. Colson, who’s writing furiously on his yellow legal pad, and I’m dying to know what he thinks about all of this. When he’s done writing, though, he doesn't speak. Dr. Colson is all about open communication. He’s been harping on it from the moment we walked into his office, so when Brandon and I get into verbal spats, Dr. Colson seals his lips and picks up his pen, but he rarely interjects. He lets us work it out, unless he sees that we can't work it out on our own.
“Don't get mad at me for being driven, Tessa,” Brandon continues, annoyance walking hand in