her feet, slowly making my way up her leg, and we start kissing and touching each other, before moving it over to the couch, where she climbs on top of me. I tried to do what you said, making sure not to change anything when I realize she’s getting close. But as my luck would have it, the sight of her grinding on top of me, breathing hard with sweat gliding down her breasts, sent me over the edge. I ended up coming before she did, and when I looked up at her, she looked like I’d just insulted her mother. She was actually livid, and I could see the disappointment in her beautiful brown eyes as she glared down at me.”
I have to take a second to swallow down the increasing pride I feel in my chest, because some of us are really lucky we don't have the problems other people have. If I couldn't control myself, my private life would be so much harder. I’m one of the lucky ones, which is a big part of why I became a relationship and sex therapist—to help the people who can't do what I can do.
“Okay, so what happened next?” I ask.
“I tried to save face,” Sean goes on, sounding more and more disappointed in himself. “I gripped her hips and I told her not to stop until she came.”
I jot—Good communication.
“And how did that turn out?” I ask, as I place my notepad back in my lap.
“Well, she did it. She grinded on top of me with her eyes closed until she came.”
“So she came? That’s great.”
“It didn't feel great, though. Even after she came, her face still had that look of dissatisfaction, like she was still offended by me coming first. It didn't feel right, and she just got up and walked out of the room. The next morning, I woke up to find Becky texting on her phone. When she saw I was awake, she angled the phone away from me so I couldn't see the screen, and even opened up her Facebook app to try to throw me off. I don't think she knows I saw her texting and that I saw her open the other app. The whole thing made me feel like crap, and I got this feeling that she was talking to Dr. Bishop again. Probably telling him how lame I am and begging him to do it better than me.”
I clear my throat and straighten myself in my chair. “All right, Sean, it’s important you don't let yourself get bogged down by assumptions, as difficult as that may be. You don't know Becky was texting another man, so it’s important you don't jump to that conclusion. Also, I found something you said to be very interesting. You stated you’d been planning to give Becky the best sex ever. Why would you think that was something you could do?”
Sean swallows hard, taken aback by the bluntness of the question. “I don't know. I just felt like I’d really gotten something out of our first session.”
“While I can appreciate our session making you more confident,” I say. “Don't use our sessions as an excuse to set unrealistic expectations for yourself. This type of thing takes baby steps, Sean, and we have a lot of work in front of us. We do it by going step by step, and one of the steps is about communication. I thought it was great that you told Becky you wanted her to keep going until she came, even after you’d already had an orgasm.
“Communication is the most important part of any solid relationship, especially when what’s being discussed is difficult. You didn't run from the issue, and you told Becky what you wanted. That’s fantastic, and what’s even better is that she listened to you and obliged. Becky could've stormed out of the room after you came, but she stayed and listened to you. It may not have been the way you wanted, but you got what you wanted. You made Becky come. That’s a victory, and it’s important that you acknowledge your victories, no matter how small.
“You actually have two victories to celebrate,” I go on with a smile. “You came in and said you thought you might be losing Becky, but the fact that she didn't leave you on the couch covered in sweat and disappointment after you came tells me you haven't lost her. Her working herself into an orgasm after you came, and after