is new and exciting. We’re not married yet, but this feels like what a honeymoon should consist of. Sex all of the time, learning about each other, laughing, more sex, more orgasms, more love, and more happiness than anything you had before. It’s been great, but underneath all of that is the one issue we haven't addressed—the one thing I can't let go of.
Becky has no reason to show interest in another man, and maybe I’m feeling insecure about nothing, but the messaging on her phone hasn't stopped. It hasn't even slowed down. I thought that I could circumvent the issue by leaving it alone. I figured if I fixed our sex life, Becky would stop texting who I believe to be Dr. Bishop, but as far as I can tell, it hasn't stopped. She keeps texting, and when I ask who it is, she plays it off. It’s a friend from work who I don't know, or it’s John sending her something work-related. All of these excuses sound reasonable enough, but when she tells me, I just can't believe her. I don't know why. I can't explain it, but something in me just has a hard time believing that somebody who looks like Dr. Bishop can't have whoever he wants, and if he texts a woman, she’s not into it.
I can’t help how I feel, but I don't want to ruin what Becky and I have, so I don't ask her to prove anything she says. I don't have her show me documents from John or the message from her so-called friends. I don't ask for evidence, and the problem stays buried within me, eating away at my insides. It’s a ticking time bomb, and if I don't defuse it, it’ll explode and destroy us.
Our days off don't usually coincide. Becky’s schedule is usually straight forward; nine to five unless an emergency pops up or something crazy happens. My schedule, on the other hand, tends to be more fluid. Mostly, I work days, but I tend to get pulled into staying late to handle small emergencies. Working in the medical field comes with accepting the fact that you're going to have to work some crazy hours.
Today, however, everything worked itself out, and Becky is staying home with me. We have all day together for the first time in a couple of weeks, so I have to make the most of it. Sex is the most important thing on the agenda, that goes without saying, but when my eyes open, I’m greeted by sunlight shining into our room and the heavy weight of stress in my stomach.
I was thinking about it last night when I went to bed, because Becky wasn't here when I laid down. She claimed to have a late night out with her friends at Dover Downs, which is the only casino in the city. She texted me sporadically throughout the night, which did help extinguish my suspicion, but that feeling in my gut never went away. Was she out with Dr. Bishop? I had no way of knowing without getting in my car and driving to the casino, but if I would've shown up there and found nothing but Becky laughing with her friends, I would've looked like a complete piece of crap, so I couldn't bring myself to do anything more than stew in my own frustration and wariness. I went to bed alone, hoping her arrival would wake me up, but by the time she showed up, I must've already been in a deep sleep.
Now, with the sun shining on my face, I still feel that suspicion in my gut. Becky is asleep next to me, and even though she looks stunning with daylight on her beautiful face, I can't fight the feeling back anymore. I’m stressing myself every single day now, and I’m tired of not knowing.
Dr. Colson was right about driving myself crazy trying to guess what's going on. There's no need for it, so why continue to torture myself when all I have to do is ask her and get the answers? If she doesn't lie, of course. As her partner, I have to have enough respect for her to ask the question, and then trust that she has enough respect for me to tell the truth.
My heart starts to race as I turn my body towards hers, and the temperature in the room seems to climb ten degrees when Becky starts to move. Her arm comes up and lands on