she may have been upset with you, is a clear sign that she still wants you, Sean. So, don't be so ready to give up on Becky and accuse her of looking to other men for pleasure just because you're disappointed in yourself, because as far as I can tell, Becky doesn't seem ready to give up on you.”
Sean clears his throat, adjusts in his seat, looks up at me, and smiles for the first time today.
13
~ Malcolm ~
“I hear what you're saying, and while that makes plenty of sense, what about the fact that she had her eyes closed while she was riding me?”
“What about it?”
“Well, I know you say I shouldn't jump to conclusions,” Sean says, crossing his legs. “But, when I looked up and saw her, I just couldn't shake the feeling that she was thinking about him. Dr. Bishop, I mean. I think she was closing her eyes so she could get a clearer picture of his stupid face, with those deep blue eyes and ridiculously white teeth.”
I reposition my pen and write in my pad. Inability to perform greatly impacts insecurities, and fuels jealousy and assumptions.
“Again, Sean, it’s not fair for you to assume to know what Becky is thinking,” I try to tell my patient, who seems to have his heels dug in. “You have no clue if Becky was thinking about another man while she was having sex with you, and to be frank, that shouldn't concern you.”
Sean frowns, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows. “Excuse me? Why wouldn't her thinking about another man concern me?”
“Because you have no control over Becky’s thoughts,” I answer in a hurry, as if the words were begging to make themselves heard. “You have no access to her thoughts, and no right to know what she’s thinking either, as difficult as that may be to accept in a serious relationship. Becky is free to think what she wants, and thoughts don't constitute cheating. Only actions can do that, so it’s in your best interest to only concern yourself with Becky’s actions. You’ll only drive yourself crazy obsessing over what she may or may not be thinking.
“For example,” I go on, making sure to drive this point home. “If you asked Becky what she was thinking, and she took the time to tell you, what she says is actually irrelevant.”
“How do you figure?” Sean asks, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees.
“Because regardless of what Becky says, it’s up to you on whether or not you believe her. No matter what comes out of her mouth, truth or lie, if you don't believe what she said is actually what she’s thinking, you'd still be upset about it. You have no way to know if she's telling the truth about her thoughts. When it comes to thoughts, you have no choice but to believe or not believe, but you'll never know with one hundred percent certainty, because an explanation of thoughts can’t be verified. With thoughts, you have to operate purely on trust. So, with that in mind, what good is it to obsess over something you can never know the truth about?”
Sean’s eyes roam around the room for a minute before falling back onto me. “Hmm. I guess you’ve got a point there. You're good, Dr. Colson.”
I smile and press my lips together. “Thank you. Now, I want you to try to understand something that’s going to be difficult. You have to accept that Becky has the right to her thoughts, and she therefore has the right to fantasize about anything she wants, including Dr. Bishop. The only thing you can concern yourself with is if Becky takes action. If she pushes to make her fantasies—if she is, in fact, thinking about Dr. Bishop—a reality, then you can address the problem of her actions. If Becky never acts on those fantasies, you can't punish her for having thoughts in her own head.”
Sean nods his head, grudgingly agreeing with me. I know this is something people don't want to hear. So often, significant others want to have access to everything about their partners, including the parts that are the most private. It’s nearly impossible to get someone who’s in love to understand that they have no right to know certain things about their loved ones. Thoughts are not crimes. Only actions can be crimes. In society, however, people are often ostracized or ridiculed for their fantasies as if they're not allowed to have certain thoughts. Unless