didn’t even know. I knew there was a possibility I had other siblings out there, but I just did nothing. I don’t know why. I wish I had looked for him. Welcomed him.”
“But you can do that now.” I wanted to tell him, but my mouth wouldn’t open. “You can be a family now.”
“There’s nothing like death for you to realize how much you’ve done wrong in your life.” He continued. “I try to be a good man, but I’m selfish. I’m so very selfish.”
“No.” I wanted to hold him to me, but I couldn’t even see him. So this was what it felt like to be dead. I strangely felt quite at peace.
“And now he’s gone.” His voice cracked. “He had a stack of letters in his car. Letters to me and Henry, letters to my dad.” He sighed. “He just wanted to be a part of our lives. He was lonely and I want to hate him for what he’s done to you, but I can’t. I hate myself. This is my fault. This is all my fault. There are too many secrets. Far too many secrets. And I’ve kept them all.”
A white light was burning my eyes at his words. Gordon was gone? Gordon was gone! He was dead. Gordon was dead. We’d crashed. He’d been driving so fast. I could remember now. The fear. The feeling of being hit. Turning and turning and then blackness. And after the blackness came the light.
“Savannah, I need you to know that I love you. I might even have fallen in love with you before we even met. When you sent me the photo of your dog instead of yourself.” He laughed. “I knew you were going to be someone special and you were. You are. I love you, Savannah. I know you heard me that night on the phone. I know you heard me talking to Henry telling him you could ruin everything. But it’s not you that could ruin it. It’s me. And I already did.” He was sobbing as he spoke. “You didn’t deserve to end up with someone like me, a selfish son of a bitch. Oh Savannah.”
The white was fading now and my head was throbbing. I wasn’t feeling so peaceful any more. It hurt. It hurt all over. My body was aching. I was dead. I was dying. I was going. I was being returned back to where I had come. And all I wanted was to tell Wade I loved him. To tell him it was okay. That I loved him. I was crying now. Crying for me. Crying for Gordon. Crying for Wade. The light was now gone. And now I was back in darkness. Loud beeps screaming in my ear, screaming, screaming.
“Savannah, I love you more than life itself. Come to me, Savannah, come to me.” Wade’s voice was soothing, talking away the pain and chaos. I was floating back to earth. Floating, floating. “Savannah, don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.” My eyes suddenly opened and I stared into his bloodshot eyes. I gave him a weak smile and whispered the words I needed him to hear. “I love you too, Wade, with all my heart.
“I’m not sure that you’re ready to come home yet.” Wade frowned as he drove me back to his house. “But I want to take care of you.”
“The doctor said it was fine.” I yawned slightly. “I was in the hospital for three weeks. I just want to be back home with you.”
“I love you.” He smiled warmly. “My darling girlfriend.”
“Your girlfriend?” I looked over at him. “We never spoke about this.”
“I figure you should be my girlfriend before I make you my wife and put a hundred babies into you.” He laughed. “Otherwise there might be questions.”
“A hundred babies?” I shook my head. “Sounds like that’s not going to happen.”
“Well, at least fifty then.”
“Why don’t we compromise with three?”
“Three works.” He grinned. “And we call the first one Gordon.”
“He’d like that.” A slight sadness filled me as I thought about my friend. “But let’s not get carried away, that’s not going to happen for a long time.”
“I know. We need to enjoy just dating for now.” He laughed. “Maybe now I can convince you to try those things that make you nervous.”
“Wade.” I groaned and he laughed. “But are you ever going to answer my questions?” I asked him softly. “I still don’t know what it is you didn’t want me to find out.”
“Yes.” He nodded somberly.