bare feet squishing into the thick carpet.
“Sorry to interrupt,” I say hesitantly.
“Nah, she needs to get to bed, anyway. I changed her after you fed her and she’s good to go. I’ll rock her to sleep.”
He lifts her onto his shoulder. Her head automatically lays right down, her eyelids heavy. I pat her on her little butt, kiss her forehead and his cheek, and leave them alone.
I’m lost in my thoughts, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed and applying hand lotion, when Turner comes into our bedroom. His back is to me, digging through a drawer in his dresser. He closes it and starts walking into the bathroom.
“I knew something was different the minute we drove away from the airport,” I say quietly.
He freezes in mid-step.
“I just didn’t know what. For days you didn’t seem to be yourself. At first, I thought maybe you were cheating on me.”
I swear I can hear his heart beating as loud and fast as a drum solo being pumped through speakers too close to my ears. His shoulders tense as if I have just slapped him, and then they slouch just as quickly, his head slack as he looks to the floor. I focus on the solid contours of his back, watching his chest rise and fall.
“I was in our office when Zack told me the man I was with wasn’t you. I felt physically sick. Zack begged me to leave with him right then and there, but I couldn’t do it. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew I was betraying you. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, but I would go through everything again if it brought you back to me. I don’t know how much you know, or how much you care to know, but the one thing you need to know is that I never once stopped loving you.”
My voice stays strong through my entire confession, but when I’m done, misery sets in. I sink back into the bed, watching him as he soaks in everything I just said. He stands there and says nothing, his silence driving me to hopelessness. I see him swipe away a tear, which causes my breath to hitch and my heart to collide inside my chest. He still doesn’t speak, not even when he retreats into the bathroom, or hours later when I am lying awake, curled up on my side, the feel of the bed dipping as he climbs in leaving me feeling all alone.
My chin starts to tremble the longer we lay here in stillness. I know he’s awake. He knows I’m awake. Turner has always held me at night when we sleep, and he never sleeps on his back unless I’m curled up into him. Did I make a mistake by telling him? I tried to choose my words wisely, to say what needed to be said so we could try to move forward. Or does he need time to process what I’ve told him? I don’t know; all I know is I am restless and I can’t lie in this bed anymore, so close to him without being in his strong arms as I need and want to be.
Throwing the blanket off of me, I climb out of bed, pick up the baby monitor, and leave the room, closing the door behind me quietly. I trudge down the hallway and into the kitchen. The clock on the stove reads three a.m. I know sleep is impossible, so I make a pot of coffee and decide to go into the office. With my coffee in hand, I turn on the laptop to scour the internet for news about Tina.
Her profile is everywhere, on every news site I check, all across the country. I laugh to myself when I see her mugshot photo with her black eye and busted lip. My hands grip the coffee mug tighter when her smug smile glares back at me.
“Where are you, you fucking bitch?” I say to her picture.
After two cups of coffee and having no luck figuring out where Tina is, I shut down the computer. I don’t have any clue where she might be, but I know someone who would. I need to find a way to get to him, but how? There is no way in hell Turner or Zack will let me go see him on my own. Unless? A thought occurs to me.
I set the computer back on the desk,