you, I swear I would have put a stop to it. If you have faith in anything, you have to be certain of that.”
God I want to, I really do. But I can’t trust him. I never have, and I never will.
Chapter Five
Clove
Journey is safe, lying on a blanket on her stomach, her small head bobbing all over the place as she struggles to hold her head up. She’s growing so fast. I stare at her for the longest time, not caring that I am now sitting in lukewarm water in the bathtub. Now that I know for sure my mother wants to take her from me, I’ve switched from taking showers to taking a bath. The thought of her being out of my sight for even a second scares me.
She acts like a normal baby. Of course, the only baby I have been around much at all is my nephew, Nolan. Smiling, I think of him. He’s one now. I’ve missed his first birthday. More than likely his first words, too. Is he walking now? My brother and Krista have to be thrilled. I can see my nephew, the spitting image of Zack, running into his arms as he scoops him into the air, storing all these memories that will last a lifetime.
I’ve been stripped of a whole year of my life. This has to end soon. I either need to kill my mother, or I need to play on Trent’s sympathy and his love for me to have him help get me out of here. I know he loves me in his own gruesome way. I just don’t understand this side of him. I sure as hell will never trust him.
He was right when he said he is not as stupid as I sometimes think he is. The reality is, he is very observant. I know he overheard me today as I spoke out loud how much I miss Turner, and he won’t forget that. He also knew all along when he was pretending to be his brother that I knew it was him.
My mind is reeling with all of the information he revealed earlier today. The drugs I was given; the cameras. I wonder if my mother knows about the cameras at all. Surely she has to; the bitch seems to know everything.
The sickest feeling burns my gut thinking about Trent watching me dress myself. Touch myself at night under the covers, making myself come time and time again thinking of my husband and how bad I miss his sweet, tender touch.
I knew about the cameras then, still I didn’t care. I needed it, and now that I think about it more, if she really knew I was pleasing myself, she wouldn’t have hidden it from me. That bitch would have loved to have thrown it in my face. Any chance she has gotten she has taunted me with sex . . . how good Trent is, and how big his cock is. It’s as if she’s jealous, as if she knows Trent really cares for me. I couldn’t give two fucks if he rocks her world. Shit, I really wish he would send the cow flying out into the damn galaxy.
I need to think. It’s time to get Trent to help me. I lean my head back, submerging myself in the cold water. I wash and condition my hair as quickly as I can, then grab the bath gel and scrub my skin practically raw to try and erase any scent of Trent off of my body.
I can still smell him after I step out. I shudder as I reach for the towel and wrap it around my body as fast as I can. I know without a shadow of a doubt he hasn’t turned off those damn cameras and the idea of him seeing me naked is unbearable.
All of a sudden, it hits me. With the towel tucked securely around my breasts, I bend down and pick Journey up off of the floor and snatch up her blanket, briskly walking into the bedroom. All the while I’m hating myself for what I am about to do, especially with my child wide awake and lying in her crib staring up at the mobile dangling just out of her grasp.
Does this make me a terrible mother? I can only hope it doesn’t. Chalk it up to another one of the many sins I have committed. I have to do it. I tell myself again that she has