seems like yesterday I was holding you in my arms and now look at you. My little girl is a mom. And I’m a grandpa again. You’re going to be a wonderful mother, and I am going to spoil our little princess rotten.”
This is just what I needed to hear, the man I needed to see. My dad looks at me, sees past all my flaws, and loves me unconditionally no matter what I do or what I have done. He loves me.
“She’s such a good baby. I’m so lucky to have her. You taught me the true meaning of loving unconditionally. I want everything for her.”
“I know you do, and no one will love her more than you. You’re a good woman, and I couldn’t be more proud of you,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “Right now, though, I’m going to step out and let you get some sleep. We have all the time in the world to catch up.”
“No, not yet. Please. I… I’ve missed you so much and tomorrow it’s-”
I pause, not sure if I can get the words to come out of my mouth.
“Your anniversary.”
“Yeah, my anniversary.”
“We can talk about all that after you rest, okay?”
“Dad, no. You don’t understand! You see...”
I look away from him for a minute to try and regain my composure. I have to know. Before anything else happens, before I can take another step forward, I need to know this.
“What are you trying to say, Clove?”
I look up at him. His eyes seem to be filled with hope, beseeching me with a promise of some sort. My heart leaps. I become more alert, and for the first time in over a year, I feel it. His presence. He’s here, I know he is!
I start to cry again. My dad’s demeanor changes right away, but I welcome these tears; they’re tears of happiness, relief. He pushes the IV out of his way and comes over to me. His arms go around my waist, my head resting on his shoulder.
“He’s alive, isn’t he?” I choke out through my sniffles. “Oh, my God. He’s alive!”
My happiness quickly deflates though, and I pull away harshly from his embrace.
“He’s going to hate me! I’ve betrayed him. Broken us. He’s never going to forgive me for the things I’ve done,” I say, distraught.
Dad stands up abruptly, towering over the top of me.
“Clove Calloway. Stop it now. I mean it. You’re not thinking straight right now. You have been through something none of us can even begin to imagine.”
His tone changes as he continues.
“Now, listen to me. That man out there, your husband, loves you. Do the two of you have a lot to talk about? Yes, you do. But know this. No one, especially Turner, blames you for a thing. The only person blaming you, is you.”
He grabs hold of both my hands.
“If I could take away any of your pain, I would. I would give my life not to have to be in this room and watch my daughter go through hell. Sweetheart, you need to slow down. You need time to heal, to process all of this, but mostly, honey, you need to let him see you.”
I’ve been living in this black hole of nothingness for so long now, thinking my husband was dead and blaming myself for all of it. I want to give in to this feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness, the sense that I will never be able to feel again, to function like a normal person.
“I’m scared. What if...”
He presses a couple of his fingers to my mouth.
“No what if’s. This is about the three of you, now. I’m going to go out, and when you’re ready to see him, you let the nurse know. I love you, Clove. More than anything.”
With that, he places a tender kiss on my forehead and leaves me with my own thoughts.
I need just a little bit more time to process all of this in my mind. I’m so nervous. What will I say to him when I see him? What will he say to me? Will the love we once had be able to endure what I have done? Will he be able to forgive me? And Journey, what will he think about her?
My eyelids become heavy. I fight closing them and let myself drift off to sleep, curled up on my side, facing away from the door that separates me from the only man I will ever love.
“How many kids do