them to my mouth and lick every single one of them clean. My focus remains on my task. Never once do I glance up to where I know those fucking cameras are. This is the one and only time I hope like hell Trent has lied to me, and he’s watching.
Taking Journey out of her crib, I curl up on my side on the bed with my sweet girl tucked close. I gaze out the open window into the pitch black of the night. After a while, the door opened. Tina sailed in and dropped a few bags of food and baby items on the table, then walked out without saying a word.
Fine by me. The sound of her voice is unpleasant as hell. To know I am her victim in this game of hers makes my skin crawl. She’s poison. How could a mother do this to her own child? How could anyone do this to another human being at all?
I haven’t forgotten my earlier conversation with Trent today, either. When I asked him what Tina has on him, why he kisses her fucking ass, does everything she asks him to do, he completely eluded the question. He could snap her in half with his bare hands. Disappear, live a normal life. Well, as normal as a person on the run could live. Why? Unless he has a plan of his own.
He does, I know he does. Maybe he is going to wait until she gets the money. I know Melody so well. She’ll do anything if she truly believes I had Turner’s baby. Will she go to my brother and tell him, try to set my mother up? If she does, how will Zack respond to knowing it has been our own mother all along who’s the mastermind behind this whole thing? Shit, my head is throbbing. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
This vicious circle continuously spins. Trent and Tina are playing each other, and it all leads back to that money. That’s got to be the only reason why he is staying with her. She’s promised him some of that money. He knows she’s a conspiratorial cunt. He’s got to have a plan.
A part of me feels sorry for Trent, a young boy stolen away from his mother, raised by that bastard. He’s had nothing, no one to show him how to love or be loved. He confesses he loves me, and yet he goes along with her vile plan? What’s going to happen when the day comes that she tries to take Journey? Is he going to stand by and let her take my daughter and kill me like she wants him to, or is he going to fight and protect me, the woman he claims to love? He has nothing; no money, and no other family. Zilch. This is so fucked up.
God, I can only pray that his plan is to kill her, believing that he, the baby, and I would then just take off and disappear. He has to know I would never do it, though. This is so fucking confusing. I hate not knowing.
I fervently hope he saw me fingering myself earlier, baring myself to him. The next time he gets in here, I want him begging me to fuck him. Which I won’t. If I make it out of here alive, I will make sure no man touches me ever again. My body betrayed me so many times when Trent took over Turner’s life, and I won’t let it happen again. The trick is to let him think it will.
Last time I was fighting to save my husband’s life; to find him, and bring him home safe. That didn’t happen. He’s dead, and if it wasn’t for this precious, sweet girl, who for whatever reason God has blessed me with, I would have continued to find a way to kill myself.
Fragments of panic set in, knowing I have been left on this earth for however long without the other half of my soul. I will never get it back. I will live my life and fight with everything I have to give this girl as much love as I can, to let her live a normal life . . . if I can ever get the hell out of here.
I’m sick and tired of thinking over and over, ‘it’s time, Clove . . .’ ‘make a plan, Clove.’ I’m over it. Whatever damn day it is, this