never even had the chance to kiss or hold hands. If only I hadn’t been so blind to my feelings…”
A tear drips down Julian’s cheek, and I brush it off with my thumb. “I’m sorry I’m making you cry.”
Julian waves off my apology. “Was he afraid of how you’d react if he told you how he felt?”
“He wrote he was scared to lose our friendship and that he’d decided to wait until he was certain I felt the same way. And that if I was reading his letter, it meant he might never have had the chance, and that was okay too.”
“Maybe he did know.”
I frown. What does he mean? “How could he have?”
“Because of the way you looked at him, how you treated him, how you acted around him. If he loved you, he would’ve picked up on it.”
“Then why didn’t he say anything?”
“Because he was waiting for you to be ready. He knew you always thought you were straight, so my guess is that he figured you needed more time…and he was willing to wait for you.”
Why did that thought never even occur to me? Now that Julian has brought it up, it fills me, replacing guilt with something else. Joy. Gratitude. I’ll be forever glad and grateful that I met Alex and that, for a few years, we were together, even if it was never in the way it could have been. And if Julian is right and Alex knew what he meant to me, he died knowing he was loved. And that changes everything.
My eyes well up, and then they spill over. The next second I’m in Julian’s arms, and he’s holding me while I cry. I bawl like a baby as I mourn what I lost, what could’ve been, while at the same time letting go and embracing my second chance at love.
“I promise I’ll tell you I love you every chance I get,” I whisper when I’m finally done, exhausted. This is not how I intended to end this date, and yet it seems strangely fitting. You can’t fully embrace the future until you accept and let go of the past.
“And I’ll say it right back as many times as you need to hear it until you believe it.”
“I love you.”
Julian kisses my tear-stained cheek. “I love you too.”
36
Julian
After Ranger’s emotional confession last night, we climbed down the ladder, went inside, stripped down, and crawled into bed. We both cried, and he kept apologizing for ruining our date, but if anything, it only made it more complete. Hearing he loves me was amazing, but watching the last brick fall out of the wall he had up when we met was everything. We kissed and held each other, talking in low voices until the sun came up. Then we both finally drifted off to sleep.
Waking up wrapped in Ranger’s arms is better than anything I could dream up in a lifetime. I’ve been waking up with his body plastered against mine every day since the wildfire, but it feels different this morning.
His skin is warm against mine, our legs tangled, his half-hard cock resting against the curve of my ass as his slow, steady breath puffs against the back of my neck. We’re done holding back with each other, done waiting for this affair to run its course, and knowing that is even better than his arms around me, and that’s seriously saying something.
He gives a sleepy groan, his cock twitching against my butt.
“Why, good morning to you too,” I tease, pressing back. As his erection throbs again, a ripple of desire runs through me, and my cock surges to life.
“What time is it?” he asks around a yawn.
“Too early, considering how late we were up.” I don’t have to look at a clock to know that; the heaviness of my body is making it loud and clear.
“We’ve got farm chores to do,” he groans again. This time it isn’t a sexy groan, and I can relate.
I harrumph, rolling over to tempt him to let the animals wait for another hour. They’ll be fine. Annoyed, but fine.
“Hi.” He chuckles, smiling when my head comes to rest on the pillow a few inches from his, my nose bumping his.
“Hi,” I echo, matching his grin and hitching my leg over his. I scoot my body close enough to press my hot, hard arousal to his thigh and revel in the low moan that falls from his lips.
I rest my hand on the hard plane of his stomach,