really need to know that? On the other hand, I have to applaud him for being transparent and honest with me.
“So the best thing is to simply ask. Very few men will be offended if you bring it up as an open question. Like, do you prefer to top or to bottom, or are you vers?”
“Vers?”
“Versatile, meaning you like both. I’m somewhat vers because I’m not opposed to bottoming for the right guy, but it’s not my first preference. Other men are completely top or bottom…or they don’t like anal sex at all. There are a lot of fun things to do if that’s the case. Anal is not the end-all, just to be clear.”
I frown. Was I wrong to assume Julian wants anal sex? He seemed to have hinted at it, but David is right. I’d better double-check. “Okay. Let’s say we do want that. What do I need to know? What’s the stuff no one tells you?”
David is quiet for a moment. “That it can be beautiful but also disappointing. That sometimes your body doesn’t cooperate. That it can be messy and embarrassing in terms of sounds and fluids and stuff, but also wonderfully intimate and special. That it feels really good when it’s done right but awful when it goes wrong. That you need a lot of communication to make it good, a lot of openness…or a lot of experience.”
“I don’t want to disappoint him…let him down,” I say softly. “I already have so little to offer him, so this has to work.”
“You’re putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself, bro. You’re also wrong. You’re an amazing man, and anyone would be lucky to have you, regardless of their gender.”
The sigh I let out seems to come from my soul. “I’m broken, man. Damaged. I’m not the Ranger you knew.”
“You forget that I knew you before you were Ranger…” David’s voice is infinitely kind and warm. “You were Mack when we met, just another high schooler. You were kind and strong and smart, and that hasn’t changed. You’re still Mack, even if you can’t be Ranger anymore. You know what I’m saying?”
My throat is tight. “Yeah.”
“You’ll find your way, Mack. I know you will. And I’m here, no matter what you need. Legal advice, a listening ear, all the tips on gay sex… I’m even willing to drive to your house and give you some personal instruction on how to give a good blow job.”
Ah, there’s the foolish David again. “I love you, man.” I swallow, my emotions still dangerously close to the surface.
“I love you too, bro. Glad I can finally tell you that after twentysome years, no kidding.”
He’ll always make me laugh but in the best way. “At least I know your love will pass the test of time…and distance. Anyway, talk to me about what’s happening in your life.”
“No more sex questions? Damn.”
“I’m sure I’ll think of some later.”
16
Julian
“Now look what you’ve done.” I gesture at the broken fence Butler doesn’t seem the least bit sorry about. He bleats and lowers his head, clearly trying to decide whether he wants to ram me or not for daring to scold him. “It’s fine.” I hold my hands up defensively. “I can fix it. No harm, no foul.”
I hate fixing fences. I can do it in a pinch, but I always get blisters and lose a whole day working on it, plus it makes me crabby. I sigh. Is it worth it to call in someone else to fix it, or should I suck it up and do it myself?
First things first. I need to move Doc and Butler into the horse pasture until I can get this fence repaired. Doc isn’t particularly fond of the horses, but I also don’t want to leave him bored in the barn all day, so I don’t have many other options.
“Come on, guys.” I attempt to herd them toward the gate that connects the two pastures. Butler leaps onto the wooden jungle gym instead, and Doc continues munching on grass, completely oblivious to the fact that I want him to go anywhere else. I’m a good animal trainer, I swear.
The silly goat has been rather attached to Doc lately, so if I can get the donkey to move, I have a feeling Butler will follow.
“I’m going to get your halter. Don’t go anywhere while I’m gone,” I tell Doc sternly, not bothering to sign it. He’s not looking at me anyway.
Hurrying into the barn, I try to remember