sparkle in his eyes as if he always has a reason to laugh.
It’s close to midnight, and I’m already in bed, trying to get to that point where I’m so tired I fall asleep instantly, but I find myself staring at his latest picture for minutes. It’s a selfie of him and his gorgeous husky, who looked annoyed at the indignity of having to pose. Can’t say I blame her.
Something about him draws me in. He’s so…alive. So vibrant and energetic. In a way, he’s what I want to be again. At least, that’s what I tell myself as I open my messages again to look at other pictures. I’m attracted to his energy, his carefree and happy spirit.
As a friend. Attracted as a friend, let’s make that crystal clear. Not in any other way. The waters of my sexual identity are muddy enough without adding more confusion to the mix. I can’t be attracted to him as more than friends because that would be…
I don’t even wanna go there. Just the thought sends a stab of pain through my heart so fierce it takes my breath away. No one will ever be able to take Alex’s place, even if we were never more than friends. Brothers in arms.
Julian reminds me of Alex in a way. Alex was much cockier, with a shit-eating grin that made me trust him and believe in whatever cockamamy plan he’d come up with. He only had to smile, and I was ready to follow him to the ends of the earth.
Julian is less arrogant, less cocksure, though he’s no pushover. He’s got a backbone, and I like that. He’s built a thriving business, which he should be proud of. But he also exudes that zest for life Alex had as well, that joie de vivre, as the French call it so eloquently. That’s what attracts me to them, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I’d argue that building friendships is healthy and definitely progress for me.
“Don’t you agree, Benny?” I ask my new very best friend, who hasn't left my side yet. I never expected one dog to make such a difference, but he has.
Benny lifts his head, his tongue lolling as he pants. I frown. He’s been lying next to me for the past half hour. Why the hell is he panting?
“You okay, buddy?”
I rest my hand on his head. Does he feel clammy? Like he has a fever? I have no idea. Do dogs even get a fever? I swipe away Julian’s pic and do a quick Google search. Hmm, dogs can get a fever, and if they do, it’s usually a sign of infection. I check the list of symptoms that could indicate he has a fever.
Are his eyes red? Not really, but it’s hard to see in the faint light of my bedside lamp. Okay, warm ears, then. I rub his ears, which certainly feel warm to me. I lay my hand on my bare chest to compare. Yup, they’re definitely warmer than my skin. My belly tightens. Is something wrong with him? His nose feels a little dry as well, and when I stroke his head again, he whimpers. Is he in pain?
I’m calling Julian’s number before I even realize what time it is, but much to my surprise, he picks up fast. “Ranger, you okay?” he asks, sounding sleepy.
“It’s Benny.”
I hear rustling. “What’s wrong with him?” Julian’s voice is loaded with worry.
“He’s panting, and I think he has a fever. I’m not sure, but—”
“Try to let him drink water. I’m on my way.”
He ends the call, and a wave of relief flows through me. “I’m gonna unlock the front door for Julian, and then I’ll be right back, okay?” I tell Benny. His response is more panting. What the hell is wrong with him?
I hurry toward the door, then grab Benny’s water bowl and rush back to the bedroom. I don’t give a flying fuck if my bed gets a little wet. It would be the most action this mattress has seen in a long time, I can assure you.
“Want some water?”
Benny obediently laps up some water, but then he lays his head on his paws again. I just hold him close, my worry growing as the panting continues, and I count the minutes until the front door opens.
“Ranger?” Julian calls out.
“I’m in my bedroom!”
Julian comes all but running into my room and screeches to a halt. His jaw drops, and his gaze flickers to my...