formal interview with you? Run a background check? It’s not like I don’t know anything about you.”
He’s got a point there, but still. This whole situation feels weird. Probably because I made it so with my way too-formal approach. For someone who insists on keeping things casual, I sure as fuck haven’t managed to match my tone to that goal. “Right. Okay, then.”
Julian’s expression softens. “You don’t have to talk about anything that’s uncomfortable for you, but can you tell me if you’ve done this before?”
“Casual sex and hookups? Sure. It’s all I’ve ever known. I’ve never had a serious relationship.”
Julian holds my gaze. “With men?”
Ah, that. “No,” I admit. “As you probably guessed, I hadn’t fully come to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual.”
Holy shit. I’m bisexual. It hits me all over again. Lucky once said that for those who aren’t straight, the first years are a constant series of coming out, both to others and themselves, and I’m starting to see what he meant.
“You look like you just had an epiphany,” Julian says.
I drag a hand through my hair. Damn, I need a haircut badly. “I may not have come fully to terms yet with me being bisexual,” I rephrase my earlier statement.
Julian frowns. “Are you saying you’re not bisexual? Or that maybe your brain isn’t quite as ready as your body for the casual, naked fun?”
“No. I’m saying that I am, but that it still feels very new…and really big. I knew, but it just now hit me again. My entire life, I’ve never considered myself to be anything else than straight, so to realize that I’m not is… It’s still disorienting. My future has always implied a wife and kids, and this changes everything.”
“Kids are still an option, you know,” Julian says.
“I know. My brother, Lucky, the one who called you first? He’s gay, and he has two partners. Trust me when I say that whatever I’m struggling with, it’s not fueled by some latent homophobia.”
“Okay.”
Of course I’ve managed to change the direction of the discussion again and make it all heavy and depressing. Sometimes I feel like King Midas, except the things I touch don’t become gold but turn dark and gloomy, much like my soul. And if that isn’t the most pathetic crap ever, I don’t know what is.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
I sigh. “For making it so heavy and complicated. I didn’t mean to. This was supposed to be light and fun.”
“I understand, but we’re good. That being said, do you want to try it my way now?”
I nod eagerly. Whatever Julian has in mind has got to be better than my heavy-handed approach, right?
Julian jumps up from the couch and walks over to me. He gives me a second to become aware of what he’s about to do, then climbs onto my lap and kisses me. No talk, no disclaimers, just his lips on mine.
I open up for him, letting him in, and I close my eyes as he sweeps his tongue into my mouth as if he owns it. He tastes like sunshine, like happiness, and I drink it in. He wraps his hands around my neck, and I put my hands on his back and pull him toward me until not a sheet of paper could fit between us. His tongue dances with mine, chasing me, then allowing me to conquer him before taking over again.
My stomach tickles, and nerves that have long been asleep fire up. Even jacking off had become too much effort lately, but now my cock is up and at ‘em, ready for deployment.
I slip my hands under his shirt, moaning into his mouth when my rough fingers find his smooth skin. He’s so pretty, so gorgeous, and I can’t believe I’m allowed to touch him. He arches his back, leaning into my touch, and I let go of his mouth and kiss a trail of kisses toward his neck, his ear. He shivers, slowly grinding his groin against me.
“Can I touch you?” he whispers, and it takes me a second to realize why he’s asking. I didn’t ask him because to me, the consent was implied, considering he was on my lap. But he’s checking to make sure because he doesn’t want to trigger me. And that’s so sweet and considerate, so classic Julian as how I’ve come to know him, that my stomach does a little somersault.
“Yes. Please.”
He yips like a happy puppy as he shoves his hands under my shirt and caresses my