you didn’t really experience it like I am right now. I can’t afford to buy anything, and you are just flashing the cash like crazy.”
My eyes pop open wide, nearly out of my head, because I don’t understand this. I don’t know what to say, I can’t fathom what I have done wrong, I thought we were on good terms I knew that she was a bit hesitant when I first gave her the diamond necklace, but she’s had it on her neck ever since. I thought she loved it, I thought she understood...
“In fact, I don’t want it anymore. You can take it back.” She hooks her hands around her neck and unfortunately takes the necklace off, breaking my heart in two as she does. “I can’t prance around with this necklace around me when it doesn’t suit my lifestyle at all. It’s too much. I told you that it’s too much at the beginning, but you wouldn’t hear it. You’re going to have to hear it now. Take it.” She takes it angry at me. “Take it, will you? I don’t want to throw it in the trash...”
“Don’t do that,” I almost yell. “I don’t want you to chuck it away. I bought it for you. If you don’t want it then why don’t you sell it...”
“You just don’t get it at all, do you?” Everything I say seems to wind her up. “This is why I can’t have a conversation with you. Because you don’t understand. Please just leave. Let me sort my life out. Take that necklace and get the hell away from me.”
“No.” Immediately, I refuse. I’m not going to be pushed out just yet. It took every ounce of my inner strength to get here. “No, I won’t go. I want to talk to you, I want to spend time with you, I want to know what’s happening. I thought that you and me had something going on, I want to continue on down that road because I like you. I like you so much, Aisha, and I’m scared of losing you.”
I have put a lot on the line here, I have expressed more of my opinions than I wanted to, but she needs to know. Right now, more than ever, she needs to see how much I want her in my life, so she doesn’t shove me away.
Thankfully, this does seem to cause her to pause for thought for a moment. But not for long enough. It isn’t long before her face transforms from shocked back to furious all over again. I can almost feel her slipping away from me like grains of sand. I can’t keep hold of her no matter how hard I try.
“You can’t lose me. You don’t know me. You never had me. This isn’t... I don’t know what you think, but this isn’t... we aren’t... we can’t...” She doesn’t seem to know what to say. I don’t either. This is all a big mess and it really doesn’t feel like it’s either of our faults. It’s almost like the situation around her is isolating her and she can’t seem to stop it. “You need to go, Marc. I can’t do this right now. I can’t talk to you. Please just leave.”
She’s backing away from me, she’s going, and I don’t have the chance to stop her. I know it isn’t the right thing to do to follow my heart again. She needs me to follow my head, so as much as I really don’t want to leave, I don’t have any choice.
I edge myself out of the door, knowing that somehow, I have made things a million times worse. All I wanted to do is talk, I just want her to tell me her problems. I know this is money related, it has to be, doesn’t it? I could help out with that and she knows it. I know she has her own pride and she feels hurt to ask me, but aren’t our feelings for one another more important? She knows I am an open person for her to ask anything. This actually hurts a lot. I feel empty and hollow, lost as I head back home, like I have lost her forever...
14
Aisha
December 30th
“Please!” I actually clap my hands together in desperation as I stare at my landlord. “Please, I know that I haven’t been the best tenant, but just hear me out first. If you could listen to my situation...”
“I don’t want to hear your sob