and slip my tongue inside again. I’m searching for something. Something to make me feel a deeper connection. Confirmation of my next chapter. Something.
I’m struggling because I know what a kiss can do. I’ve felt how electrifying a meeting of the mouths can be between two people who claim to love each other. Even those who have no clue they do. It’s something innate. Constitutive. A kiss can be an affair that binds even the most unsuspecting lost souls. It can heal, seduce, communicate, initiate a promise, and spark a soul.
Why can’t I have that with the man I’ll be spending the rest of my life with?
Chapter Two
-THEN-
“Hey, champ!”
My head shot up from watching my shoes while walking into the library. It was the DJ Paulie guy and a small group of boy-humans with him. I wanted to roll my eyes, but couldn’t quickly come up with a reason why. That was until I registered what was in their eyes. It was that familiar, creepy “I mean you no good” slant. Paulie didn’t hold the expression like his friends. He appeared calm and observant as his friends smiled big; one even groped himself, clenching his dick with pride. That’s when I rolled my eyes, having decided I didn’t like them. I flipped them the bird, not breaking my stride. They laughed as I continued toward the elevator.
Champ…
I didn’t like that nickname from people who didn’t know The Banger. It was a term people used to label me anything but a girl with feelings. A human being.
The elevator arrived and I stepped on, thinking about when my cousins learned I boxed and was good at it. They would try to drag me into their beefs, using me as a damn bodyguard. The same with friends. When I started training in North Jersey with Uppercut, I stopped telling people how good I’d gotten to avoid the expectations. I wasn’t a violent person and didn’t like to be used.
The elevator door slid open and I walked out onto the third floor. My heart rate skyrocketed. Though I headed toward the study room number he’d BBM’d me earlier, I didn’t want to be here, and almost canceled. This was going to be super awkward. I had no idea what I was thinking—last Friday in the massage room or—right now, en route to my tutoring session. When the door of the private library room came into view, I let go of a deep breath. My knees wouldn’t stop trembling, but my mind was made up. I was going to do this. Yes, I’d made a mistake, but life had to go on.
When I walked into the small study room, predictably, Ashton was there on time. His big body swallowed the wooden chair as he sat slouched while looking into his laptop. I closed the door behind me and pulled off my bookbag. Quietly, I unzipped it and reached inside for my writing course binder and lay it on the table. Then I sat down, opening it. Slowly, Ashton’s chestnut eyes lifted to acknowledge me.
He didn’t speak at first. His attention returned to his screen before he uttered, “You’re not late.”
I didn’t want to be. Things between us were already dangerously awkward; the last thing I needed was to have him bitch to me about being late again. I made sure I was on time tonight.
“So, what’s next?”
I blinked hard and fast. “What do you mean?”
“I’m your tutor…” His chin dipped. “You come to me for assistance.”
My eyes dropped to my syllabus. “I don’t know.”
“Okay.” He leaned into the table, closing his laptop. “You wanna start with what happened between us on Friday in the massage room?”
The pounding in my chest returned and my mouth soured. Playing it off, I sighed, waving my hand in the air. “Friday was so…three days ago. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning. You think I’m going to dwell on something that happened so long ago?”
Ashton’s brows lifted, cheeks hiked as his head twisted to the side. “Oh. That’s how we’re going to play this? Like nothing happened?”
My eyes fell away again. I didn’t know what to say. Why did we have to discuss it anyway? “What do you want me to say? I prefer nothing.”
His chin dipped again. “Nothing?” Ashton’s forehead wrinkled. “All weekend, I waited to hear from you with…something, and you still don’t know what to say?”
With the faintest movements, all I could manage was a head shake, still unable to look him in