be so cruel to good people. And it happens so randomly. How could this be happening?
Me: Yes. God is still in control. My heart’s bleeding right now. Prayer is a given. Always. Don’t let this shake or break you. Tell Jade I’ll be by in a day or two whether she likes it or not.
After hitting send, I sit back, reclining all my weight on the wall behind me. Words I cannot articulate pour from my spirit. I’d already had a lot on my mind, the fear of this news coming into fruition is one of them. Absentmindedly, my attention goes back to my phone and I end up on Instagram, not knowing exactly why. If there’s been one thing I’ve learned since becoming a “celebrity,” it’s that folks who reach this attention bracket get no privacy or benefit of the doubt. We’re just targets for voyeurism and criticism.
It doesn’t take long for that claim to be proven. I have a barrage of tags leading me to a Spilling That Hot Tea post where, once again, I’m a topic. They’ve used a picture of me from the Sugar&Spice magazine feature to speak on the rumors of Deon cheating on me…again.
When you’re the best at what you do, a beautiful queen too, and you still get treated like a Felicia. I hate seeing gems with insecure asshats who need the sparkle of a gem to shine. Do better, sis. Do better.
I hate it. It burns my soul like acid on human skin. My first thought is to call Raj, who now knows these “bloggers” to tell them I’m prepared to pull up anywhere they are. But after taking a deep breath and thinking, I realize this isn’t exactly a negative post by them. Yes, they’re minding my business and circulating rumors about people they don’t know. But I also know Deon’s been giving them something to talk about. I understand he’s new to this relationship thing, but wish he would tighten up with the things he does publicly. He’s a running back for the Connecticut Kings and knows better than being so free with his company or actions. Is he cheating on me? I don’t know.
What I do know is I won’t be disrespected. The most of what I know about marriage comes from what I see from Raj and his wife, Wynter. I’ve also been spending more time with Trent and Jade Bailey, and Rut and Parker Amare. I had been cool with Trent and Rut for a while now since we share the same sports agency. But now that I’m engaged to their teammate, I see more of them. However, what I’ve never seen of Ragee, Trent, or Rut is them being sloppy with women.
Maybe that’ll take Deon some time, but it has to change. I’m ready for the next chapter in my life, and it doesn’t include goofy behavior that allows people who don’t know me to talk shit about my life.
“Tor!” his deep, piercing cry penetrates the wall. “I’m waiting!”
Sighing, I stand and dump my phone on the bench. Next, I drop my towel and cut the light. A single streak of the streetlight from outside bursts through my dark bedroom as I toe to my bed, where I find him. At first contact, Deon pulls me into the bed and I wrap around his body, straddling him. And he’s ready. I feel his erection against my trunk and his hands grip my hips. I find his mouth to guide him. He knows little about foreplay, or just isn’t a fan of it.
For me, I need the prelude, the foreword of a kiss. It’s where promises of respect and mutual gratification are made. It’s where the communication of intimacy begins for me. I’ve not been with a lot of guys, but I know what I want in sex and intimacy is nonnegotiable. Kissing is a passion I’ve been addicted to since my very first one. Since then, it’s lost the magic once felt. But I was determined to find it in each man I’ve allowed to put his mouth, lips, and hands on my body.
When Deon pushes down on my hips, gesturing for me to take him in, I lift my mouth from his and ask, “Where are the condoms?”
“Shit,” he whispers between gritted teeth. But I feel him reaching for the nightstand. “But you’re on the pill.”
I don’t answer; instead, wait patiently. As his hands work beneath me to apply the condom, I find his mouth