her.” I shrugged. “Aivery didn’t like Brick either. It was for the same reason others in our family and even my father’s side didn’t like him. They saw nothing good in him.” That shit still ate at me. “Anyway, he told me I was going to marry Aivery even though she isn’t my type. He said I was going to marry Aivery just to prove to my family I was something I wasn’t.”
“What?” she whispered.
“Predictable, compliant, village-minded…like my father.” Again, I shook my head, frustrated by it all. “I love Aivery, I do. But maybe this all happened for a reason. Her losing her virginity to Pettiford, him hating me for no reason, and coming back to BSU for pennies…me barking at you the day I tried breaking up with her for the first time.”
Tori’s eyes rolled up. “What did Pettiford do to you? How did he try to kill you?”
“After being up for over thirty-six hours from hazing, Pettiford, who was Dean of Pledges that year, told me I could go sleep in the shed behind the frat house, but I couldn’t eat until he said.” My mouth grew pasty. “Mind you, I didn’t have much on my stomach besides chips, soda, energy bars, shit like that. I didn’t complain, even though he singled me out. Everyone else on my line got to eat and sleep in their dorms. That’s unusual for a line. You do everything with your brothers. Your performance is uniform. It’s what builds the brotherhood.
“I don’t know how long I was asleep on a manmade wooden bench covered by a thin blanket made of polyester and wool fibers—prison shit—when I was slapped awake and told to drink this pinkish potion in a pitcher. Pettiford and another big were there glaring down on me. I got it. It was the last week of pledging, Pettiford hated me and had made my life miserable for the past five weeks. He couldn’t break me with belittling, paddling, cold showers, lack of sleep, and at this point, food.”
I plucked my nose with my thumb, hating this period of my life. It was one I couldn’t talk about to anyone not on line with me. “My brothers didn’t understand: they weren’t being targeted. Anyway, I was made to drink that nasty shit. It was loaded with tequila, tabasco sauce, and a heap of other shit my palate couldn’t make out. Almost right away, my mouth was on fire. My body rejected it because I’d had an empty stomach and was slightly dehydrated. I tried going through with it, until my stomach pushed that shit back up. I begged for water, feeling even my damn scalp burning.
“Pettiford laughed, but his brother didn’t. He saw I was fucked up and just stood there staring at me. When Pettiford saw he was laughing alone, he got upset. He yelled, ‘Oh, you’re on fire? Let’s put it out.’ While I’m on the ground in the small shed made to fit a medium-sized dog, I was fading, about to pass the hell out. It was the scariest shit I felt from my body. This nigga got a water hose and sprayed my ass on high blast. He almost drowned me in that small space where there was nowhere to hide or retreat to from the pressure. He aimed for my face. I was weak, choking, and fading. I’d already lost over twenty pounds that semester. Still had football and practice and training. All I remember was being weak as fuck.
“When my mom spoke to the doctor from the hospital, he told her there are five stages of drowning, and I was in stage three, quickly moving to stage four. Stage five is death. If it wasn’t for the other big there, I would’ve been out of here. It’s something I think Pettiford either wanted or still is indifferent about almost happening.”
“Why did he target you?”
I shrugged. “He targeted me from the moment I stepped on campus. I didn’t let him get to me, though. Until I pledged, I was never intimidated by him in the least. I think he sensed it and used it to his advantage.”
“Why weren’t you intimidated?”
“It’s because niggas where I come from play by a different set of rules. Pettiford isn’t a tough guy; he’s a privileged one.”
“More than you?” she scoffed.
“Way more than me.” I winked. “Remember, I’m a hybrid nigga. Wealth didn’t jade me.”
“Did you ever wonder if he and Aivery had something going before you met her here?