not to reveal any vulnerability to her little sister, and she wasn’t in the habit of confiding in her, especially not about problems with George. But that night, she couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.
‘She’s not here,’ said Lewis when he answered the entryphone. ‘She’s having a night away with the girls.’
‘Oh …’ Her heart sank. ‘I didn’t realise. Sorry to bother you.’
He heard the desperation in her voice and invited her in, took her coat and bag and told her to sit down. When he offered her a glass of wine, she almost snatched it out of his hands.
‘Sorry to barge in on you like this,’ she said, holding out the glass for a top-up.
‘It’s okay.’ He passed her the bottle. ‘Help yourself.’ When they finished the wine, they started on the gin. Then he rolled a spliff.
Amber didn’t really know Lewis. He was Ruby’s boyfriend, that was about it. She didn’t even know Ruby that well, their relationship still in the early stages of rehabilitation. They’d met up socially as a foursome a few times, but it hadn’t been successful and they’d tacitly agreed not to continue. But now, as she lolled on the sofa getting pissed and high, Amber decided she really liked Lewis. He was very laid-back, unlike George. And he was a good listener, unlike George. He wasn’t quite up to George’s level of attractiveness, but he had a kind, open face. And when she broke down in tears, he held her in his arms and told her it was okay to cry. He wiped her tears away and kissed her gently on the forehead, then on both cheeks. An electrical surge went through her body as their lips brushed. She opened her mouth for him, and from there it was a short walk to the bedroom.
They tore off each other’s clothes like they were in a movie and had sex on top of the bed covers. Later, when Amber replayed the scene in her head, she redirected it with Lewis leading the action, but in truth she was the one who pulled him into her, clamping her legs around his thighs so he couldn’t get away. They didn’t speak a word until it was all over and they were lying on their backs, naked and sweaty, panting for breath.
‘Oh my God,’ she murmured eventually.
He sighed. ‘That was amazing.’
‘Hmm … amazing and very, very wrong.’
‘That’s why,’ he said. ‘Forbidden fruit …’ He ran his finger over her stomach and her insides rippled in response.
‘We mustn’t tell them. And we mustn’t do it again. Ever.’
‘A one-off,’ he replied, kissing her neck and breasts. ‘Our secret.’
‘I love my husband.’
‘I love your sister.’
‘This doesn’t change anything.’
‘No. Not at all.’
But it changed everything. Forever. At the time she’d felt like a sex goddess, but three weeks later, when she discovered she was pregnant, her true motivation became clear.
Had Lewis known it too? Had her confession that George was shooting blanks inspired him to show what a real man could do? Lewis despised George – he felt belittled and patronised by him. Had fathering ‘his’ child been an act of spite, or even revenge? Or had they both just drunk and smoked too much that night? Amber didn’t dare to unpack it. She felt frightened and yet triumphant. The long wait for a baby was over. She was thrilled, George was thrilled. Ruby was over the moon at the prospect of becoming an aunt, and her mother broke out in a rash of knitting.
And what about Lewis? He played it very cool, never asked Amber if the baby was his, and once she was born, never looked at her longingly or asked to hold her. He behaved as if he’d done her a small favour and didn’t need recognition or thanks. His attitude allowed her to feel safe, to pretend – even to believe – that George was the biological father after all. The identity of the sperm giver didn’t matter; it was being a dad that counted, and George would be the best father in the world.
Now the balloon has gone up. Ruby is beyond angry with Amber, and no doubt with Lewis too. That’s three out of four of them who know, plus the entire bloody investigation team. George can’t be the only one left in ignorance. She won’t let him find out from Ruby; she’ll tell him this morning, before the FLO turns up. It’ll be the hardest thing she’s ever had to do in her