watches the reconstruction. If only I’d paid more attention to the people around me. If only I hadn’t been so wrapped up in myself.
To be fair to her – and I detest being fair to Amber – I was a very good spy. I always kept my distance, turning the other way whenever she started walking in my direction, nipping behind a tree or the café building, diving into the toilets, or even just crouching down to do up my laces. And if she had spotted me, my excuse was already prepared. Oh! You’ve caught me out. I was about to surprise you with a visit.
I’m confident she won’t have given my name as a possible suspect. It won’t even have occurred to her. No doubt when the police asked, as they always do, whether there was anyone who might want to do her harm, she wasn’t able to think of a single person. Such a joke. Insensitive, entitled people like Amber never realise how many people hate them. They trample through the jungle of life without a thought for creatures like me who live in the undergrowth. Either they don’t notice us at all, or they pick us up, use us and then have the cheek to call it friendship. Like we’re supposed to be grateful they’ve spent any time with us at all.
‘Mummy thought she could have everything she wanted,’ I say to Mabel, bouncing her chair vigorously. ‘Career, marriage, family, friends, baby, happy-ever-after. But it’s all based on secrets and lies. She uses and abuses people for her own gain, doesn’t care who gets hurt as long as she gets what she wants. Oh yes, Mabel, Mummy’s been very bad. She wrecked my life, robbed me of my future, made my whole world fall apart. That’s why she had to be punished.’
Mabel’s bottom lip trembles and she starts to cry. Again.
‘Sorry, did I upset you? I’m only telling the truth, you know. Your mummy’s a complete bitch. You’re far better off without her.’ I twist her out of the seat without bothering to undo the strap. ‘Anyway, enough of her. Let’s give you your bottle.’
I carry her into the kitchen, propping her on my hip as I flick on the kettle and take a pre-prepared bottle of formula from the fridge. I put the bottle in a jug and then pour in hot water. It doesn’t take long for the milk to warm through, then I remove the bottle, drying it on a tea towel before returning to the living room. I sit back down in the armchair and put the teat into Mabel’s mouth. She sucks gratefully.
The news has moved on to other trivial items of no interest, so I switch off the television.
A noise rises from the silence. It sounds like a car outside. I hold my breath, screw up my face with listening. Yes, that’s the dull throb of an engine …
‘Did you hear that, Mabel?’ I ask, removing the half-drunk bottle to give her a break. I sit her upright on my lap and lean her forward to encourage a burp. She isn’t interested, just wants the rest of her feed. ‘Oh, okay then, greedy guts.’ I push the teat back into her mouth.
A car is definitely idling outside the house. I’m not imagining it this time. It must be the neighbour. What’s he doing snooping around? Maybe he wants to introduce his wife to me, or invite me over for a cup of tea so he can drone on about their wonderful grandchildren. Really, this is too annoying. I am so not interested in being their friend. I stand up and carry Mabel into the hallway, peering through the frosted glass of the front door. Can’t see anything. It’s too dark.
Why is he sitting there watching? Why not get out of the car and ring the doorbell? Fear starts to creep over my skin. What if he suspects me? The stupid old codger could ruin everything. I don’t want to leave Midsummer Cottage, even though the place is a dump. I can’t leave. This is my safe house, and more importantly, it’s where I have to wait. Wait and hope.
The police won’t connect me to this address. Great-Aunt Dolly’s estate is still going through probate, so it doesn’t officially belong to me yet and nothing is in my name. I was frustrated by the time it was taking before, but now it’s a blessing. Even if the police were looking for me,