via some other channel that Sonya wasn’t with the father of the child, and Kendra had a theory that he was a married man. Without any evidence, they concluded that she was alone, unsupported and in need of sisterly help. Polly decided they should visit her en masse but Amber argued that would be extremely insensitive, given that they were all so visibly pregnant, and refused to take part.
As far as Amber knew, only Polly from the group had kept in touch. Occasionally Sonya’s name came up at their meetings and everyone paused to feel sad for her, then quickly reverted to happier subjects.
‘So? What have you heard?’ asks Louisa, removing little Noah from the breast and doing up her bra.
Polly leans forward. ‘Well, according to another friend who knows her from Zumba …’ silent drum roll, ‘she’s gone completely off the radar.’
‘What do you mean?’ says Cora, eyes widening.
‘She’s stopped answering her phone and come off all social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp, the lot.’
‘That’s weird,’ says Kendra. ‘Why has she done that?’
‘Doesn’t sound good,’ Hanima agrees.
‘I’m really worried about her.’ Polly takes a sip of her cranberry and soda. ‘Ever since she lost the baby, I’ve been reaching out, about once a week, you know, just checking in to see how she’s doing, then a couple of weeks ago, she blocked me!’
‘That’s rude,’ says Louisa. ‘I don’t care how depressed you, you don’t block friends who are trying to help.’
Amber is listening to all this with mild disgust. What was Polly thinking, as a new mum, pestering another woman who’d just lost her baby? She’s not surprised Sonya blocked her; she’d have done the same.
‘Well, I was quite hurt,’ admits Polly. ‘But then a few days later, I realised she’d disappeared.’
There’s a collective gasp and slapping of hands across mouths. ‘Oh my God,’ says Cora. ‘That’s awful!’
Polly frowns. ‘I don’t mean actually disappeared, I mean virtually.’
‘That’s almost as bad,’ says Kendra. ‘I know she was in a bad way after, you know, it happened, but do you think … I mean, could she be, you know …?’
‘Poor Sonya,’ murmurs Cora.
‘Well, that’s what it looks like to me,’ says Polly. ‘Losing her baby like that, so late on, and all on her own … I’d be suicidal, wouldn’t you?’ Amber groans inwardly. Trust Polly to voice the word that others daren’t let pass their lips.
‘Have you tried going round to see her?’ asks Hanima, whose daughter has been whimpering for the last few minutes. She lifts her out of the buggy and rests her on her lap.
‘No, not yet,’ Polly replies. ‘I want to, but I’ve been really busy – haven’t had a chance. To be honest, I’m frightened of what I might find.’
‘Oh my God, you mean you think she might be …?’ Louisa says.
Polly nods. ‘It’s really frightening, isn’t it? I don’t know what to do.’
The others consider the problem silently for a few seconds, while Amber prickles with irritation. Why is it suddenly up to Polly to put Sonya’s world to rights?
‘Perhaps you could talk to her friends,’ suggests Kendra.
‘Hmm … To be honest, I think Sonya’s a bit of a loner. I’ve a feeling she already had mental health issues before the miscarriage.’
‘Then I fear for her, I really do,’ says Hanima. ‘And without a husband or family—’
‘Look, none of us really know anything about her, do we?’ Amber interjects. ‘We’ve no idea whether she’s suicidal or not. Maybe she got fed up with everyone being sorry for her loss and needed some time away from social media.’
‘But she’s on her own,’ protests Polly. ‘Mad with grief.’
‘You don’t know that, you’re just assuming. She may be coping okay with it.’
Polly rounds on her. ‘How can you say that? You don’t understand what it’s like to lose a child.’
Nor do you, Amber says silently. Why are they being so ghoulish? It’s really unsavoury. She withdraws from the conversation, but it carries on, gathering momentum.
The others start debating whether the NHS let Sonya down by not offering enough grief counselling, whether she’s already dead, and even what method she might have used to kill herself. Amber starts to feel physically sick. They pause when the food arrives. She picks at her pizza while the rest of them tuck into healthier options, the discussion moving on from Sonya’s supposed suicide to how lucky they are not to be suffering from postnatal depression themselves.
Amber drifts away mentally from the group. Have they not noticed how much she