but Ruby can’t bear to wake her. She looks so contented and peaceful, lying in her pod like a plant sprouting out of a grow bag. Ruby pulls up a chair and pokes her arm through the bars of the cot. She lightly strokes Mabel’s soft pink cheek, marvelling at her long eyelashes and her rosebud mouth, the wisps of auburn hair curling around her tiny ears. The connection between them feels unbreakably strong. It’s not just the knowledge that they share ancestors and genes, it’s more instinctive than that. She loves this baby more than she could ever have imagined. What might she feel if one day she has a child of her own?
It’s easy to feel full of unconditional love when a child is asleep, she reflects a few hours later, as she battles to comfort a screaming Mabel. She’s been fed, changed, bathed, played with, jiggled about to music, told stories, sung lullabies, allowed to watch TV … all to no avail.
‘Oh dear, you’re missing your mummy, aren’t you?’ Ruby says, holding her niece up and trying to interest her in the moon and stars mobile.
To her surprise, Amber hasn’t been in touch once. The last time Ruby babysat overnight, she was constantly texting and asking for updates, but there’s been silence for hours. Maybe there’s no reception in darkest Somerset, or maybe her phone was confiscated on arrival.
George hasn’t rung the landline either, although Ruby is less surprised by that. She prays he really is at a conference and not shagging one of his many exclusive clients. He’s always boasting about the women who hit on him at the gym, particularly the older divorcees. Does Amber suspect anything? she wonders. She hasn’t said, but that doesn’t surprise Ruby. If there’s one thing her sister has in spades, it’s pride. Hopefully he’ll be in the hotel bar, getting pissed with colleagues and having a laugh. Ruby doesn’t begrudge him a couple of nights of freedom, as long as he behaves himself.
‘Oh dear, oh dear, don’t cry like that, you’ll make yourself sick.’ She walks up and down the room with Mabel, rocking her until her arms hurt, then transferring her onto her shoulder and rubbing her back. Her little face is sticky with hot tears, and every so often her body shudders with the effort of sobbing. She seems inconsolable and Ruby doesn’t know what else to do.
Should she let her sleep in the bed with her tonight? She knows it’s very much against the rules, but Mabel’s not going to rat on her and it will probably do the trick. But it will also set a precedent, and if she starts refusing to go in her cot, Amber will twig and Ruby will be in big trouble.
She takes Mabel out of the nursery and back to the sitting room, lying down on the sofa with her sprawled across her chest. She squirms around like a giant slug, biting at Ruby’s jumper and leaving a trail of wet slobbery stains. But Ruby gently strokes the back of her head and murmurs in soothing tones until Mabel flops against her chest, worn out by the fight.
Clasping the baby tightly, Ruby eases herself upright and stands. She slowly carries her back to the nursery and lays her down in her cot.
‘Mustn’t forget to turn your monitor on this time,’ she whispers, pressing the button so that the light flashes. Then she tiptoes out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.
It’s late. She climbs the stairs to Amber and George’s room. It feels odd to be sleeping in somebody else’s private space. There’s a framed photo above the bed, taken on their wedding day. Amber looks so beautiful in her simple white dress, auburn hair falling over her shoulders, freckles dancing across her nose, a neat diamanté tiara sparkling in the sunlight. Gorgeous George looks even more gorgeous than usual in his impeccable grey suit and silky cravat. The perfect couple.
Three years on, and now look at them … It’s not good. As she gets ready for bed, Ruby thinks – in a vague kind of way – about how she and Lewis compare. They seem like a couple of kids playing at adult life. Sometimes she feels frustrated by his unwillingness to commit, but maybe he’s got the right approach. At least they know how to have fun together and she doesn’t have any worries about him being unfaithful. Before she settles down, she sends him a text.
Mabel