hospitals.”
Savannah and Avery share one of their identical smiles. I turn away from them and whispers to Taylor, “I hope I never have twins.”
“Considering how giant your baby might turn out, I agree with you never carrying two of them at the same time.”
Rubbing my bump, I’m suddenly very aware I’ll be at this hospital in a few months. It’ll be my vagina screaming in horror. Is it possible to start my epidural now, so I never have to feel any pain?
“No,” Taylor says without me speaking. “Whatever you’re thinking, the answer is no. Now calm down and act relaxed for River’s sake. He’s bound to come out here, showing off his huge balls for a ball-less Shane.”
“I have balls,” my neutered brother growls since he’s sitting nearby.
“Whatever. We need to be supportive.”
Maverick looks up from his phone and holds my gaze. “River’s fine.”
“Will you cry when your kid is born one day?”
“Sure. Why the fuck not?” he says and looks back at his phone.
Unfortunately, his snarky response—meant for Shasta people—is also overheard by Ellsberg people. Mainly, his sisters, Nevaeh and Sylvie, who creep closer.
“He’s so sensitive,” Nevaeh says to the Majors’ youngest child. “Delicate, like a flower.”
“One day, his flower’s gonna blossom, and he’ll become a woman.”
Maverick pulls deep inside himself to withstand the tormenting he suffers the next ten minutes. Sylvie crawls into his lap while Nevaeh tries to braid his hair.
“You’ll be the Spring Queen!” Denver announces.
“The fucking belle of the ball,” Cavalry adds.
Maverick finally looks to his father, who has silently watched the entire thing. Vaughn shrugs. “What can I do? I’m just an old man, and they outnumber me.”
Sylvie decides her father’s comment means he needs tormenting, so she comes after Vaughn, who runs for the door.
“Hippies make weird kids,” I tell Shane. “I think it’s the wheat germ in their food.”
From where she sits next to her sister as they both hold babies, Avery asks, “You don’t know what wheat germ is, do you?”
“No, bitch, I don’t.”
The twins lean forward in unison, doing their identical-creepy-movements routine. “Keep your voice down,” Savannah instructs. “We are in a place of business.”
I open my mouth to scream literal nonsense. Before shenanigans break out, River appears to announce baby Greer has freed herself from the womb.
“She’s gorgeous.”
“Shallow,” I say, smiling at him.
“Well, she’s also intelligent and has a great sense of humor, but, yeah, she’s hot.”
We all take turns hugging him before making room for Vaughn’s return. Son and father embrace, whispering lovely sentiments or insults. Who can know with those people? River then ditches us, so he can return to Max.
“Butt,” Iggy tells me.
“Yeah, he is a butt,” I reply.
Shane mutters, “I think he wants to go home.”
“Then why say ‘butt’?” Taylor asks.
Shane narrows his eyes at us. “You are both aware of his age. Stop acting like dipshits.”
“I blame the Majors,” I say, standing up and doing my Donald Sutherland’s “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” bug-eyed-stare-and-point routine. “They’re bad influences.”
“Suck it, Campbell,” Avery mutters.
“Get bent, Majors.”
This bickering continues even when we’re back at the Victorian. I have to give up my room to Savannah, Surfer Dude, and Baby Boy Funny Name. Packing up my clothes, I call them freeloaders and threaten to sic my dogs on them. Then I give Savannah a hug and admit she made a cute baby.
“You will, too,” Savannah whispers in my ear. “A giant cute baby.”
Narrowing my gaze, I’m uncertain if she’s back to fucking with me. Those Majors’ twins are tricky.
Downstairs, Avery and Baby Girl Funny Name are getting settled into the sitting room.
“Everyone else is going to Maverick’s,” she says before popping out a boob to feed her baby.
“Everyone’s having babies,” I mumble, feeling weird suddenly. “River is a dad. Shane is a dad. Taylor’s going to be a dad soon too.”
“Ha, ha,” my friend says, entering the room.
“It’s just that everyone grew up.”
“We’re in our twenties,” Taylor says, hugging me. “It was time.”
“Shane's just a baby,” I whimper before crying for no damn reason whatsoever. “It seems like he just learned to walk. Then he was jacking off. Then he was killing people. Then he was married with two kids. Now he has no balls.”
Shane grumbles under his breath while walking past the room. I whisper to Taylor. “I heard him coming.”
“Nice timing.”
“Still, when we moved to Shasta, we were just a bunch of twatty teenagers. Sure, we were technically adults and mature and shit, but we were living like kids just out of our parents’ houses.”
“Because you