problem. My mom never cared what I wanted. Becklyn was always in her own drama-filled bubble. Jaymes needed me to be someone else.
Shelby, though, wants to know who I am. She isn’t scared of me. Despite the day when she thought I’d hurt her, she keeps coming back. There’s no way a scared woman would walk around naked in this trailer like she does.
“Do you want to?” she asks and gyrates her hips at me and makes squeaky spring sounds. “I smell like you.”
“I’d rather you smell like you,” I say, moving toward her.
I wrap my arm around her back and lower her into the bed. Shelby cups my face, and her fingers touch me so tender that I feel uneasy. Then she gives me a bright smile that people never offer to someone like me. I feel that tightness in my chest again.
I oughta kick her out. Better for her to feel bad than for me to get stuck feeling like shit. Yet I can’t bring myself to shut down what’s happening here.
Shelby’s kisses tease me into thinking about her in my bed all night. Is that what I want? It’s probably what I’ve wanted for a while.
Fucking Shelby, I stare into her eyes. It’s a mistake. I’m dealing with emotional crap, and she tempts me to feel more. Shelby holds my gaze. Even when I fuck her harder, she won’t look away. Then she smiles just a little, and I realize this woman has the power to fucking destroy me.
I’ve never been so relieved to come before. I need space from her gaze tearing me open and looking at what I have to offer.
I walk outside into the cold air. Shelby hurries on a shirt and stands at the door. She hesitates at the entrance of the trailer, probably frightened by the dark night. How many horror movies involve the woods? She’s so weird to worry over a killer showing up and chainsawing us to death. Does she think I can’t rip off his arms? Hell, I’ll shove that saw up his ass before he gets near her.
“Do you want me to leave?” she asks, wearing that sad-little-girl look.
“Do you want to leave?”
“No. I want to watch you sleep. How am I going to do that if you kick me out?”
“I ain’t doing shit,” I mutter and then add, “Don’t watch me sleep.”
Shelby reveals a half-smirk. She looks so devious, watching me. A witchy woman hoping to steal my heart and then what? Boil the fucking thing in a pot? Or just toss it aside in the trash?
“How many boyfriends did you have back in Ellsberg?”
“I never dated. People thought I was frigid. Ooh, some thought I was in love with Taylor, but she wasn’t interested. So, I lived hopelessly unfulfilled. I liked that rumor most. If I could get horny for chicks, I’d be all over Taylor.”
Grinning, I like how she blurts out shit. Sometimes, I feel her thinking. Often, she seems to have no idea what she’ll say. I like knowing we’re both gonna be surprised by what she says.
“Do you often sit outside naked?” she asks, shivering at the door.
“Sure. No one out here to complain.”
“Will it hurt your feelings if I don’t stay out here with you? My pussy’s all wet, and the cold hurts.”
I shoot her a dark frown. “Do you want me hard again?”
“I don’t care. Fucking is fun.”
Shelby disappears back into the trailer while I let the chilly weather ice down my overheated flesh. As a kid, I often hid outside in the cold. I’d get so fucking angry or even cry at my mom’s shit. The cold numbed me up, killing the bad feelings, leaving me okay with going back into our place.
It doesn’t work tonight. I still feel overwhelmed. I both want Shelby to leave and need her to stay. The longer she’s here, the more the power in this relationship moves from me to her. But if I tell her to leave, she’ll probably cry, and I’m losing the ability not to care. In prison, I thought my heart got hard enough. I wasn’t going to let women mess with me anymore. No more drama. I was gonna take care of only me.
But Shelby Campbell erased all the work I did on myself. I’m getting weak for her. I need her with me.
I never loved Becklyn and Jaymes, though I lied and told them I did. Women want to hear that shit, and I wasn’t willing to deal