him in the shower, and he was sporting a pinkie-sized cock.”
“Was the water cold?” Taylor asks, snickering.
Shelby looks at where I lift my pinkie and frowns. “Wait, was his dick the size of a person’s pinkie or the size of your pinkie? Because the second one ain’t bad.”
I smile when she kisses the tip of my finger and then gives it a little lick. Before we can start making out, the technician woman enters and has Shelby get on the table. A few minutes later, I’m frowning at a fucked-up thing on the screen.
“It looks wrong,” I mutter.
“They always do,” Shelby says, holding my hand. “Iggy looked like a mutant. Ozzy was a ghoul. They’re both the cutest now, though.”
After another minute or two with the technician moving around the wand on Shelby’s bump, she asks if we’re sure we want to know the baby’s plumbing.
“I don’t like surprises,” Shelby says.
The technician looks at me as if for permission. I don’t think that’s a smart move. Shelby and Taylor can be temperamental when they think someone’s disrespecting them. Fortunately for the technician, neither woman notices her checking with me. I give her a nod, and she says I’m having a girl.
“I did notice a lack of dong in the image,” Taylor says and grins at Shelby. “Are you okay?”
“I wanted a boy.”
“Well, try again after this one.”
“What if she’s awful?” Shelby asks after she can sit up. “What if she’s not cool like you and me? Oh, god, what if she’s like Lily Johansson? I can’t deal with more quilts.”
Laughing, Taylor rolls her eyes. “She’ll have you and Dean as parents. I’m sure she’ll turn out sufficiently weird.”
Shelby smiles big at me, excited about our kid not being normal. Then she loses her smile and asks, “Did you want a boy?”
“I didn’t care, but is Kirby really a name for a girl?”
“Sure. It ends with an ‘E’ sound. It’ll be fine.”
“I liked growing up with a guy name,” Taylor reassures me, and I smile at how she’s my friend now. That’s how the Fearsome Foursome is wired. They work as a team. If one hates something, they all hate it. Once a person’s been claimed by one member, the rest embrace them too.
Once in her SUV, Shelby pauses before starting the engine.
“Kirby Midkiff,” she whispers and rubs her belly. “Our baby feels real now.”
Shelby turns to me and smiles as if she’s looking at her Prince Charming. I swear I’ll never understand her choosing me, but I sure as hell ain’t asking her to change her mind.
THE WEIRDO
On a frigid late January day, Max goes into labor and immediately loses her shit. That first painful contraction hits, causing her to make a noise that sends Hansel under the couch. Then the world turns absolutely wild for the next forty-eight hours.
Admitted to the same small hospital where Ramona gave birth to Iggy and Ozzy, Max is terrified. All her Lamaze training goes out the window. She nearly crawls into River’s arms like a baby. Her fear infects the Band, and they all seem ready to freak out. Ramona’s labor was like a jam session with everyone chilling while she enjoyed a nice epidural. That ain’t happening today.
“We need to dope up Max,” I tell Taylor in the waiting room.
“River’s got it handled.”
“Aren’t you scared?” I demand, overly agitated as if Max’s crazy infected me.
Taylor takes me by the shoulders. “I’m Miss Collins from ‘Carrie,’ and you’re freaking out about your first period. Do you know what comes next?”
Calming immediately, I scowl at her. “Don’t you dare slap me.”
“Don’t you dare make me slap you.”
Taylor hugs me against her, and I settle down. “I wish Goliath was here, but he would be miserable.”
“You’ll see plenty of him after the Majors mob arrives, and they take over your room.”
“Oh, yeah.”
River’s family arrives in mass less than two hours after Max’s first contraction. The nurse nearest to me gasps in either horror or awe at the sight of them. There’s no denying they’re a good-looking bunch of blonds.
Vaughn leads the group while Raven brings up the rear with the twins and their new babies. I’m surprised to see Savannah’s new hubby, Surfer Dude. I think he might have a legal name, but so far, no one’s told it to me, and I haven’t asked.
“How is she?” Vaughn asks Taylor.
“She was losing her shit, but drugs have since been administered.”
“I’m pushing my way into the room,” Raven announces. “I have practice being a bitch in