Goliath viewed them as the only people he could trust. They’d run with him in the Skullz, they got screwed over just like him, and they were making plans for when he was released. Even if I can’t imagine Goliath agreeing to target the Band and little Iggy, those men were his future.
I think of him out here in this trailer. He’s almost always alone, even when he goes into town. Goliath’s grieving a life stolen from him, first by the Skullz and then by the Reapers. A man ill-equipped for feelings, he lets his resentments fester.
Just like he does with his mother. She’s awful. My mom never turned on me. Even when I was a hormonal teenager who freaked out over nothing, she still loved me so much. Goliath knows his mom is trash, but he can’t let her go. Not because he wants to keep visiting, but because what the fuck else is he supposed to do?
“I don’t want our baby to be around your mother,” I say, and he instantly glares at me. “She’s too negative, and I don’t want our kid feeling bad about himself. She hates bikers, and our baby will grow up in that life. Everyone in our kid’s life will wear a patch or be related to someone who does. How can he feel confident if he has a judgmental bitch cutting him down?”
“She does her best.”
“I heard what she said about you,” I say, rolling to my side and studying him glaring at the ceiling. “I don’t want her ever saying that shit about our kid. When he’s an adult, he’ll learn the world sucks, and people are mostly selfish, and he isn’t special. But until then, I want him to believe the lies told by the people who love him. It’s what everyone deserves.”
Goliath turns his glare to me, but I know he’ll agree. Deep down inside, he hates his mom and wants to stop seeing her. If I give him permission to blow her off when it comes to his kid, maybe he’ll blow her off for himself too.
“Life must be so easy for your family,” he mutters.
Despite my first instinct, I don’t lash out like I want. Goliath was picked on by his mom and likely her holy roller friends. He grew up feeling attacked, judged, and dismissed. If the person he loved shit on him, why wouldn’t he automatically expect everyone else to do the same?
Sitting up, I grab a pillow to hold in front of me as a shield. Goliath isn’t my friend, let alone my man. He’s a stranger. I don’t trust him, and I’m unsure he really likes me. I shouldn’t share my private information with him.
But he’s also my kid’s father and a member of the Reapers. I want to be sociable with him if friendship is all he can offer. Goliath needs to understand who I am. Instead, he sees me as a pampered bitch.
“As a child,” I say quietly, “my mom was sold to a biker club to pay her dad’s debts.”
Hearing my words, Goliath doesn’t soften up like a normal person. His frown just changes from a self-pitying pout to a snarly frown. He probably wonders why I’m telling him my family’s problems.
I ignore his expression and continue, “I don’t know many of the details about her captivity except that Kirk Johansson found her in a fucking container and saved her. She had to rebuild everything about herself after living with those monsters, and she’ll never be okay. My father loves her with all his heart, and her kids dote on her. Yet sometimes, her mind returns to that box, waiting to be raped by monsters.”
I look away from Goliath because I crave something from him that he refuses to offer. Feeling on the spot, I try to remember why I opened up to him in the first place.
“So, no, my family’s life isn’t easy. Sure, I grew up in a happy home with two loving parents. I had it better than you, but you need to stop thinking of the Reapers as a bunch of fucking pussies with heart-shaped eyes and Hallmark parties. You had a shitty childhood. So did a lot of people. The difference is you never got a family that cared about you. I think you could have one with the Reapers.”
Sighing, I hug the pillow and settle my racing heart. “It’s important to River to reward you for what you did for Max. He loves her