seat next to Hugh, Utah, and Chase. These are my people, but I still keep an eye on my president.
River owns confidence I never will. He doesn’t mind showing affection, asking for help, thanking people, and seeming happy. That comes from knowing his place in the world. Shane is the same way. They act like fucking idiots sometimes, chasing each other, wrestling, playing like little boys instead of men. They have nothing to prove. Maybe they did when they first got to Shasta. Their fathers are big shits in the Ellsberg chapter, and men want to impress their dads.
I had a different kind of confidence with the Skullz. But I was always aware of how my worth came from what I did for people. My happiness was dependent on how happy I made others. They came first. I realize I let that happen. Just like with Becklyn and Jaymes fucking with me. No one made me a chump. I just never expected more.
As we eat our barbecue and plan to finish our trip, I tell myself to demand more in the future, from people and myself. I hadn’t wanted to go on this ride, but I enjoyed every fucking minute of it. I hadn’t been happy to know Shelby was pregnant. Now I get a funny feeling in my gut when I think about my kid growing inside her.
I didn’t have a strong family like River and Shane. My old club screwed me. The men I trusted are dead. The women I let close used me. That shit held me back. Starting today, I’m gonna see what I can do about changing things up.
THE CHAPTER WHERE THE HEART ACHES
THE WEIRDO
Not long before Shane’s expected arrival, Iggy finally realizes his father isn’t in the house. He wanders around, looking for him before succumbing to his sorrow and losing the energy to stand. He slides dramatically down the wall and begins crying as if his heart is broken. Ramona tries to console him, but then she starts crying too.
“He doesn’t understand,” she whimpers as I sit next to them.
I caress his head and get close to his face to say, “Daddy’s coming home. He’s riding his big bike. We’ll hear it, Iggy, and we can run outside to see him.”
Iggy studies the front door, where the outside is, but he doesn’t trust me. Crawling into his mama’s lap, he looks to her for reassurance. Even teary-eyed, she smiles for Iggy. Ramona cuddles him closer, calmer with him in her arms.
“Daddy’s coming home,” she says and looks thankfully at me. “I don’t know why I forget to make it simple.”
“Because it feels as if Shane’s been gone for too long. He’ll be back soon, though. Elko is less than two hours from here. Then Daddy won’t go away for a long time.”
Iggy isn’t naturally a drama-loving kid. His nature is to smile more than frown. He wants to find his way out of bad feelings. Once he gets the okay from his mom and me, Iggy starts talking about bikes. I’m not sure what he’s saying, but Ramona nods and says “uh-huh” a bunch of times in response.
I corral them back to the sitting room, where my parents play cards with Raven and Vaughn. Max remains in the kitchen, cooking as if she’s feeding an army. Maude plays outside with Desi and the dogs. I’m on my way to check Ozzy when I get a call from an unknown number. Worried Shane might be forced to use a stranger’s phone or a throwaway one, I answer.
The woman asks for me by name before explaining she writes for the local paper. I nearly hang up, thinking she’s trying to sell me a subscription.
“I’m writing an article about a local urban legend. Thought you might want to make a comment since I heard you’re investigating the Shasta Slasher.”
Ignoring the “urban legend” part of her comment, I ask, “Where did you hear that?”
“Just a source.”
“And what do you want from me?”
“A comment would be nice. Like what exactly are you investigating? Do you have any new leads? What drew you to investigate?”
“It’s a hobby,” I say, suddenly awkward. “I like researching true crime.”
“Will you be investigating the killings that happened earlier this year?”
Realizing she means the Skullz offed by the Reapers, I feel my temper boiling. No way is this bitch unaware of the rumors of who did what to who back then.
“Yes. My good friend’s restaurant was destroyed, and she was targeted by the assholes.