that I have to face them again. I can’t hide out here—in our own little bubble—forever. According to the twins, Leo’s already pushing them away. My initial fear is becoming real. Leo’s being forced to choose. Something I never wanted to happen. Even back then, over five years ago, I knew what it would mean to him to have to do that—what it would do to him. Like my disease, only I can fight this because it’s inside me.
I have to try.
For Leo.
For Benny.
“Maybe,” I tell Benny, and his smile widens.
“We might have to have a grown-up talk first, okay?”
Benny nods, and I turn around, open the door for the third time. “Hi.”
“Hey,” they say in unison.
I swallow my nerves. “Do you want to come in?”
“Actually,” Logan says, shifting on his feet. His hands in his pockets, but they look to be fisted. “I was hoping maybe you and I could talk out here, and Lucas can watch Benny?”
I open my mouth to come up with an excuse because the idea of Benny being alone—“Can I show him my room?” Benny asks, tugging on my arm. “Please, Mama! Please!”
My gaze drops. “Yeah, okay.”
Lucas steps forward, and I move to the side, giving him room to enter the house. “Thanks, Mia,” he says, and I know it means more than that single word.
I can feel it in the way he says it—the underlying meaning. He’s thankful for the chance, whether it’s for him or Logan—I’m not sure.
“It’s my most favoritest place in the world,” Benny tells Lucas as they climb up the stairs.
“Oh yeah?” Lucas responds. “I can’t wait to see it!”
When I turn back to Logan, he motions to the porch steps. “Want to sit?”
“Sure.” On shaky legs, I sit on the porch, noticing that he closes the front door. He probably doesn’t want Benny to hear whatever he has to say, which makes sense. A moment later, he’s sitting beside me, far enough that we don’t have to touch. It’s the closest I’ve ever been to him, I realize, and I ignore the fear clogging my airways.
“You probably know why we’re here,” he says.
I clear my throat, but I don’t respond. I look ahead at the large oak tree in the front yard. Beneath the branches, on the ground, is an old tire… for a tire swing, I bet.
“We wanted to apologize about that night on the dock.” He pauses a beat. “There are no excuses for the things we said, or how we made you feel, or everything that happened afterward. We feel like… like absolute shit, to be honest, Mia. After you gave us a beatdown on Halloween, I haven’t been able to think straight. And Laney’s pretty much stopped talking to Luke, so that’s fun for him… Lucy’s stopped talking to all of us.” He shakes his head. “But that’s not your concern.”
I don’t know if he’s watching me, but I’m too scared to look at him.
His heavy exhale fills the silence between us. “I don’t expect you to forgive us or understand, but I hope one day you’ll see that we’re not the same people anymore.” He sighs. “I feel like everything I say is going to sound like an excuse, but I feel like if I don’t say anything, then you’re forever going to think that we’re those same fucking assholes we were back then. So I’m just going to say it, and you don’t have to listen.”
I stay quiet, anxiousness clawing at my insides.
“Besides Lucy, Lucas took Mom’s death the hardest, and it wasn’t because we’d lost her or we’d miss her. It’s because he felt like he had to step up and become more than his twelve years could handle. Lucy was gone with Cameron a lot, and when she moved out of the main house, it was basically him in charge, along with your mom—but she was mainly focused on the younger kids. I think he thought that in order to keep us in line, he had to be this obnoxious fucking dick all the time.”
My eyes snap to his, shocked at his words, and he cracks a half-smile.
“But it worked,” he adds. “For the most part. To be honest, Lucas put on an act around most people, even his best friend—who, if I recall—was there that night. Garray?”
I nod, look away again.
“I never thought I’d say this, but Luke—he’s not a bad guy. He was just a guy trying to do his best, make Dad proud, and not leave any