it up, and I agreed because the truth is I was fucking scared.” I look back at my siblings, one by one. “I didn’t know if I was ready to be a dad, and I wanted to make sure that he wanted me to be part of his life before bringing anyone else into it.”
“This is…” Lincoln starts, sucking in a breath.
“Yeah,” Liam agrees, doing the same.
After swallowing my nerves, I say, “Benny’s four years old… and he’s smart and funny and cute as hell. He likes rocks and minerals and collects as many as he can wherever he can. He walks around with pockets full of them, and right now, he’s trying to memorize birthstones. His is a diamond, by the way. His birthday’s April first, two days before Katie’s.” Lucy smiles, but it’s sad. “When he’s not collecting rocks, he likes to draw, mainly with crayons, and always with blue, nothing else; it’s his favorite color. When he laughs—like, out-of-control laughs—he makes this yakyakyak sound, and it’s the greatest sound in the world. I could live in that sound. Die in it.” I glance at Dad. “He has moments where he checks out. We call it him rebooting. One time, I had a draining week at the academy, and when I went to see him, he could tell how tired I was, so he offered to hug me to make me feel better. And it did. I told him he recharged me.” I catch Lucy smiling and continue. “He thinks it’s hilarious—that he reboots and I recharge. And now every time I say it, he does that yakyakyak laugh, so I ask for hugs a lot just so I can hear that one sound.” I realize now that my muscles are no longer tense. That just talking about Benny eases my soul. “They live in New York City, so Mia’s been bringing him down every other weekend so I can spend time with him—something she absolutely did not have to do. She does it for me.” My chest tightens, my voice hoarse as I say, “Last night, he told me he loved me for the first time. He was the first to say it, but I loved him even before I met him. And I’ve loved Mia for ten years now. Ever since she started coming here during the summers. I kept her a secret, and I shouldn’t have. She was—is—everything to me. I didn’t want to share her, and I didn’t want you guys ruining it. I didn’t want… I don’t know.” I heave out a breath and choke on my next words. “I’d grown up always believing there was something wrong with me. The therapists, the outbursts, the learning disorder…” I pause, take a breath. “When I was fifteen, I confided in Mia that my greatest fear in life was that I wasn’t truly living and that this life… it wasn’t enough for me… I’d always felt like an outsider, even in my own home, but Mia and Benny—they make me feel like I’m part of something… something bigger and greater. Something divine. They make me feel like I’m a part of them, and that’s the greatest gift they could’ve ever given me.” I wipe away the sudden tears clinging to my lashes and look around the room.
All eyes are on me, but no one says a word.
I sniff back my emotions. “Benny doesn’t know I’m his father—not yet. We’re waiting for the right time, and that’s a decision we’ll make together. As far as Mia and I go, there’s nothing more to say. We love each other, and right now, we’re trying to be the best people and parents we can to our little boy. We don’t know what the future is going to bring. And when it comes to those decisions—they’re ours and ours alone.” I give my dad a pointed stare. “And I hope you all can leave it the fuck alone.”
“Leo,” he deadpans.
“No, Dad.” I shake my head. “You had no right to push her into this, and I swear, if you’re the reason I lose them, I will never forgive you.” I trail my eyes around the room again. “There’s so much you don’t know about her and her life and her… struggles.” I pause, try to rein it in. “I understand why she didn’t tell me about him, and that’s all that matters. No one else gets a say in what’s right and wrong when it comes to her or