of the Queen’s cousin. She had been in attendance at court and with the Queen for 44 years. In fact, since the beginning of March, Pan said that Elizabeth was said to be found sat motionless on a cushion for hours on end. I couldn’t help but wonder myself what it would feel like to have a friend that impacted my life that way. Someone I loved so much that the loss would bring me closer to death because of a broken heart. I had tried to play the mortal card for a while, and felt the pain of having them die hit me enough to want to leave. But I had never discovered the type of love that felt bound to my very soul.
Which made me ask, was it possible for a mortal to die of a broken heart? Yes, I believed so, but the question I often asked myself, was if it was possible for an immortal to find death in the same way? Of course, I was getting ahead of myself, seeing as I knew that I had not yet experienced what it felt like to be truly in love.
But more importantly…
To be loved in return.
Seven
MY FIRST BAD
25th March 1603
Love.
I had been blind.
My eyes automatically cast sideways to Pan, who I knew had tried to manipulate me into believing that what we had together was love. But love didn't come with a beating or a closed fist, and I may not have yet experienced it myself, but it didn't take a genius like Archimedes to understand it. Which brought me back to now, and wondering exactly what it was we were doing stood outside of a church during mass, one that was teeming with people. Because in this particular area of London, it was one of the most popular with residents and of course, if you weren't found in church then you were most likely going to be shunned.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I shouted the moment he grabbed the trunk and started dragging it closer to doors.
“What does it look like? I'm getting paid to do a job,” he snapped, before slamming down the case so that it popped open and out poured all twenty rats. Naturally, they started to fan out in different directions, no doubt trying to seek shelter.
This was when it was confirmed… I had been his puppet, yet again.
Gods, but I was stupid.
“Pan! Please don’t hurt them!” I shouted, when he pulled his weapon of choice from beneath his long jacket and soon started to play. I found myself wincing and tensing from the sound. As for mortal ears, they would have believed it was nothing more than a sweet melody played by someone in hopes to be tossed a coin their way for the effort. But little did they know what it truly was.
It was a death call.
I knew it down to my core. Gods, just how blind and foolish had he made me? Had it really all been a lie, one I had been living through for hundreds of years? Had he really had the power to veil my conscience and shroud it in darkness for so long? What had I become?
“No… no don’t listen to him… come back, my friends… come back!” I tried to shout, to communicate with them, when all the rats stopped in their tracks and scurried back to him as if he was now their master. But then I felt the rustling in the bag next to me, as even Percival was caught under his spell. So, I quickly grabbed him and held him to my chest, stroking him and cooing down at him,
“Ssshh… calm and do not listen, my friend… don’t listen to the evil inside of him,” I said, before putting him back in my bag and tying the cord tighter so he couldn’t escape. As for Pan, he continued to play as he walked up the steps towards the church.
I had no idea why he deemed it important enough to get the rats to follow him inside, and prayed to the Gods that it was nothing more than jest on his part. But then it seemed like an awful lot of effort when he could quite easily have found rats here. No, I couldn’t be naive any longer. I couldn’t allow the doubt he planted to take root. Because I knew there was something about this that wasn’t right. Which meant I had a very bad feeling about what would happen when